so lets talk about stuff... REAL stuff.

sorry i havent been able to post lately i had a chem exam that i was studying my ass off for. (if i get less than i B: prepare for an angry blog). i saw Eagle Eye yesterday it was very good B+ to an A- movie, it'll be worth your money to watch it. im going on a diet now. im usually a pretty healthy eater in the day, but in the night i just pig out on junk. which i have to stop. i excercise regularly, so working out is not a problem, just the diet needs a little work. its not like "omg is soooooo fat i need to work out three hours a day in the gym" i think im fine but there's some areas i need to work on. my brother is a physical fitness and rehabilitation major and researched everything that i need to do in order to lose those extra pounds. im hoping for 135 by the end of the year. since january i have gained a LOT of muscle. and maybe lost a couple of pounds. i KNOW that i lost i couple of inches off my waist, cause i see it. and my ass is getting more toned. so i know its muscle im gaining and not fat. but to lose that flab i still see, i need to eat healthier that i am eating now.

okay enough talking about me, lets talk about politics. REAL politics. so i was watching the debates on saturday? or friday?...whatever day i was watching it. and it seems to me that both of them don't have what it takes to lead this country. John Mcain is just old. he's so old that he could die in office and Sarah Palin would be president. let me tell you something. I would leave the country and head somewhere other than Canada (cuz they're as f-ed up as us) cuz i dont want HER leading our country. Making abortion illegal even in cases of rape and incest? is she F-ING kidding me?? and supposedly she also wants to ban gay marriage and put them in church to "un-gay" them. i am not gay but, i know a lot of gay people, and they are some of the nicest people i have ever met. and this is the F-ING 21st century! you cannot control who you love! other than that issue, if John Mcain were president, we are still going to be in war for YEARS. and if he wants to draft me, he's gonna have to drag me from my nails. i have the upmost respect for the soldiers that are serving in Iraq, but i do not want to go and KILL INNOCENT people in a COUNTRY that we had NO BUSINESS going into anyway! This war is so f-ed up! we should've came back YEARS AGO. but no BUSH wanted to stay, because he gets f-ing bullied by people who really wants to control this country. and look people Mcain is the guy that voted for Bush and i quote "90 percent of the time". 90 percent! do we want more of the same (and probably worse)?

now i know what you're thinking "Vote Obama!" no.... thats not what im saying. Obama is not going to be the saint that everyone thinks he's going to be. Truth is he is not experienced enough to lead. Yes, he took leadership for many different roles for many different groups, but thats not the same as leading a COUNTRY. It makes me feel slightly better that he has Biden by his side. a man with a lot of experience. Obama says he'll give tax breaks to the middle class and he says he'll make the education better in this country and he says he'll focus more on the environement and he says he'll bring the troops home. notice anything? everything starts with "he says" but what will he DO? the first Bush said we wont have new taxes. well happened with that? Bill Clinton said he didn't have sex with Monica, what happened with that? George W Bush said we'll be out of Iraq soon (back in '03) what happened with that? How can you be so sure (Obama supporters) that he'll do everything he says? Just because he says so doesnt mean he'll do so.

What do I think? Mcain or Obama, I think we're f-ed either way. its gonna take more than four years to repair what Bush has done to this country.

ugh i hate rain

doesnt the rain depress you? im a sunshine type of girl, i love the sun and warm weather. i know i shouldnt be living in the midwest. this type of weather makes me not wanna go out anywhere, but its weird cause at the same time the rain makes the colors pop out a lot more. and it makes for good pictures.

i have poems too. lots of them i wrote back in high school. writing these poems to be honest, kept me sane.

here are a couple:

December Nights
I cant believe what you said to me.
You always hit my heart in a place I can no longer feel.
My body is rigid and I hardly know whats real.
And as I walk out into the chilly air I realize that I am not the same anymore.
He screams at me , even though deep inside I know he is right I scream right back at him.
It goes nowhere and I tried my hardest not to cry but I do anyways.
And I dont need anymore scars to my heart.
So, I'll just sit here and wait till the tears stop.
I can hear the wind howling telling my that I cant cry, not now
These December nights are the hardest.
It wasn't like it used to be
Where I was so excited now, its hard for me to keep a smile on my face.
And these tears dry, I wonder why am I feeling this way?
This night ain't gonna get any brighter.
So I might as well stay and watch the wind blow on this December night.

My Crying Soul
My soul cries beneath my eyes.
From when those tears drown in my sorrow
Crying and praying out in the cold .
I am so alone
My soul is dying, because you keep trying to bring me down
My heart is sinking and I keep on thinking why would she?
Everyday I am drained from you
Everyday I get so much crap from you
I am keeping my cool, day by day oh what should I do?
When you look at me, you don't even bother looking at my eyes, my crying soul inside
What have I done to you?
What have I done to make you act so cold?
I cry within my soul because I can't cry anywhere else
I pray to God every single day that I don't do anything stupid to myself.
Why, oh why?
I am so lost within myself, I don't even know who I am anymore.
What's taken over me?
This demon you created, you know it's killing me.
I am lost , and I am crying within myself.
I am trying to forget who you are
And I would love it if you would just leave me alone.


I realize how emo these are, Ive written these at a time of my life where I was alone and isolated from people. I was also listening to a lot of Evanesence too. You can see these and more of my poems on http://www.maroonedangel.deviantart.com/ and www.myspace.com/inncntangel.

and now pics.....when i can get them up that is.....LOL.

the world and politics

i watch "america's next top model" and i am addicted to it as much as the next teenage girl is. i DO believe most of the reality tv out there is either scripted or highly edited to make for good television. a good example of scripted reality is MTV's "The Hills", if you didn't know that show was scripted you're either 1) really dumb 2) never seen "The Hills" or 3) don't watch TV. i watch antm because it's a guilty pleasure and its fun to watch a bunch of skinny chicks cause drama to each other while trying to achieve the dream of being Americas. Next. Top. Model. yes i do know that a (real) model's career only lasts until they are 22. or if you been on the show it only lasts you the 15 minutes you're off the show. dont get me wrong im not on here to make fun of it (which is making this really hard to do btw) im here to talk about the issues with that show and slowly get into politics.

antm is a fun show, 13-14 aspiring models live under one roof as each week they do a photoshoot/commerical/whatever it is that week (mostly its a photoshoot), and are judged by the egoistic Tyra Banks, fashion photographer, Nigel Douchebag oops i mean Barker, Runway Diva coach extroridinare, Miss Jay Alexander, and 90's supermodel, Paulina Pouriskova (dont know if i spelled that right).

this show USED to be about modeling, as in the first season where my girl Adrianne won. what did she(or as she says "didnt") get? a revlon contract, a fashion spread in Marie Claire magazine and representation from Wilhimena (dont know if i spelled that right either) modeling agency. but she soared above and beyond; being the face of Merit Diamonds:the Sirena collection with a commerical. which is huge for any model. she continues to model for diamonds, not by Merit. but this was the first year. after that she stopped getting calls. and wrote a nasty letter (which she later highly regretted) to Tyra and Tyra responded by not associating her with the show. the cycles 8 and 9, Adrianne was not in the opening credits and in cycle 10 she was not on the winners wall in the house. Although during the reunion show to launch cycle ten on her talk show, Tyra (or her people) supposedly called Adrianne (she mentions this on her radio talk show btw) saying to be a part of this reunion, they supposedly told her that they would apologize to her. Adrianne asked if this would be on the air (or something like that) they said no. and she refused the invitation. I would too. but in the reunion they did mention Adrianne as the winner of cycle one for a split second.

Now going into it's 11th cycle, why is this show so huge ? everyone knows the formula for successful reality television by now

skinny girls + 1 house + 1 (maybe 2) bitch + 1 goal (whether its getting Bret Micheals or being America's Next Top Model) = great tv

now im not here to talk about the show im here to talk about the problem: why be a hypocrite?

okay so everyone knows in season 10 plussie Whitney Thompson won. Although many people claim that this was Tyra's push for a healthier industry and runner up size 0 Anya Kop shouldve won, I thought it was a great choice. Most people end up losing weight anyways after being on the show.

My question is WHY???

there was this article i read on someone who tried out for ANTM and got rejected because.....wait for it.......SHE WAS TOO BIG! this girl was a size 4! and they wanted her to be a "loose size two". thats like loosing 20-25lbs on a already skinny girl! WTF????? she said she was already getting modelling jobs before antm scouts wanted to recruite her. what i want to know is WTF is wrong with a size 4 model? so they dont want a girl that looks healthy in a magazine where lots of young girls will read? i dont get it! why do they pick such skinny models, to pose in underwear for Seventeen? and then have whitney thompson pose in it and look just as good. for ONE ISSUE! (ironically, this is the same magazine, thats one of the prizes in antm)

when is the industry going to realize that its the clothes that matter not the models. healthy is the modelling world is fat. it affects a girls self esteem, it really does and those who say that it doesnt are lying. successful models like, gemma, gisele, and adriana. are all stick skinny with no shape to their body whatsoever. Im sorry, I would rather have some shape to me then starve and have no shape at all. and to those girls that get offended and say "ive had this so called 'starving body' since i could remember, there is nothing you could do about it." um right. see there is this thing called metabolism. and it slows down as you get older. i know cause when i was younger i used to be so skinny people called me anorexic. then when puberty hit and i gained around 25-30lbs. thats why models have short careers.

the way beauty is portrayed nowadays; almost 75% of it, is not even real. some time back i saw a segment on good morning america. on how people alter photographs to make them look "hot". there was this video by dove (you could probably look it up on youtube) on how they do their pictures for a billboard. just the amount of altering just disgusted me. your favorite actress/actor, probably looks like crap in real life because of the amount of make up that is put on them.

i could rant on for days on this subject. but i'll just leave it at this.....is the beauty industry responsible for many of the women that get eating disorders and/or undergo liposuctions every year?

you decide