so......

here's the story, sometimes i cant stand people. there is a couple people in particular; have you ever had anyone who is so stubborn and frustrating to deal with that you just cant stand but you have no choice but to deal with them? thats the situation im in right now. i cant stand this person but i cant just let them sit there and be like that. its frustrating because i couldve had a great relationship with this person if they're willing to change their ways. but they wont and they always play the victim card and they keep pointing fingers instead pointing the finger at themselves. its tiring and im getting white hairs over it. i cant stand them complaining all the time, or ask for help when they can do it themselves and yell at me if im not doing it right. its super draining and on top of that they wonder why im so negatively, well why dont you look in the mirror? i wake up every morning with pain in my neck and shoulders and i know its because of stress.

and those f-ing idiots at six flags hasnt called me yet, i dont get it. EVERYONE who ive worked with last year has gotten a call and gotten some sort of promotion, and these guys havent even worked a full season. ive worked for two seasons and got NO promotion. f-ing politics i tell you. just because im not bright or talkative as the rest of those idiots who work there. im sorry im not going to flirt with the supervisor, which is what everyone else does, to get a promotion. im much better than that stupid shit. if i get a job back there again, it'll be my last season. im so sick of everyone trying to walk all over me at that stupid job, im so sick of f-ing teenagers as supervisors thinking they are the shit because they have more power than everyone. im so sick of the whole operation. and thank god that place is running itself to the ground. good riddance i say.

4/20 party on man.......

today is the stoners holiday, the day adolf hilter committed suicide, the day of the tragic columbine shootings, and it is also my BFF's bday.

i never got what the meaning of this day was until four or five years ago; which kind of reminds me why i never took any drugs. i still dont know why i didnt. i honestly want to try weed just to see what the big deal is. there are a lot of people that do weed in my town, they grow plants in their backyard, about five years ago there was this guy that got caught for growing a weed garden, not too far from where i live. so yeah weed is easily accessible here. its not like i want to be a low life with a bunch of stoners, and accomplish nothing in my life. ive already been told i will never be anything great, i'll be a failure. so why not? i know quite a few stoners, they're actually pretty intelligient if they go to class, they could probably get a 4.0 GPA.

as probably many of you may or may not know, i go to adrianne curry's blog a lot. i read and comment (and gotten responses from her). she covers a lot of interesting topics.
well here is a response on one of her blogs she wrote about god and religion:
god to me, is very real; the god i believe in is from no book, or religion. god doesnt make things happen, WE make things happen to us. so i wish people would stop blaming god for OUR actions and START blaming OURSELVES. god gave us freewill for a reason, to say why does god not stop rape, war, or poverty, is like saying why i cant i win the lottery? WE have to make that happen. it is quite obvious that god did not put us on this planet so we can live in euphoria for the rest of our lives. WE have to make that euphoria happen, and i wish that people would stop using science to disprove god, and start using science to find god. religion was this idea that people followed because they believed it led them to god. it started to become a problem when people thought that their religion or god was better than theirs, and it became a bigger problem when people started using religion as the foundation of their government. i dont have a problem with people following their faith; i only have a problem when people start putting forcing their beliefs on me (this includes the government). i have my own belief system i follow, and i dont expect anyone to follow it.

with that said....happy 4/20 stoners.

what are friends?

well, its been a while since i blogged. ive been so busy seeing my dad and mom in IL and my cousin is coming to visit in a week. i also have a paper and a test in business to prepare for, so yeah ive been busy. i need to see noodles more often, its so hard cause she's hardly ever online, and my mom has my phone. ugh. a lot of my parent's friends (other than my godmother) ask me why dont i have any friends that are indians? there are plenty of reasons for this, although it all adds up to one thing: they are ALL spoiled little stuck up brats. although i've met a couple of exceptions, that is the majority of them. i used to go to this sunday school WAY back when i still lived in MI, and everyone was indian. my mom (and sometimes dad) used to drop me and my brother off and the second the session was done we used to run to my mom's car. we both couldn't STAND anyone there. i also used to go to this indian dance class when i was younger and i HATED it. i HATED everything about it. im sorry i HIGHLY DISLIKE it. the teacher didnt like me, nor did any of the kids. i was a tomboy (still am) and everyone was a girly girl, i just didnt fit in. instead i stuck out like a sore thumb in a bad way. i was constantly criticized for every little thing i did wrong, my mom did nothing about it. my dad accused my teacher for giving other girls special treatment (which she was clearly doing) and denied it of course. i used to love dance, i nearly hated it after that bitch. besides my family and people i consider family, i never trusted indians after that. it's hard for me to trust people in general, i was bullied for so long i have to put my guard up. ive been an outcast for so long it kinda gets tiring after a while when you dont get noticed anywhere. im determined to make people notice me. the good thing that came out of this is that you can ridicule me and criticize me all you want, and i can take it like a man. if u say something really mean, its gonna hurt me for about a few seconds then i'll get over it. ive developed a thick skin over the years and thats something no one can take away from me. however, those that were "supposed" friends of mine would probably laugh at me like they always did, but i could careless, because u never cared for me and never will. thats why i only have a FEW close friends that i openly talk to and share my secrets with. i constantly get scrutinized by my dad because i dont have many friends, i have friends i just dont want to get close with them. i mean why should i? *sighs* i really wish i had bf now. at least i would have someone to talk to besides my bff and my bro.