what are friends?

well, its been a while since i blogged. ive been so busy seeing my dad and mom in IL and my cousin is coming to visit in a week. i also have a paper and a test in business to prepare for, so yeah ive been busy. i need to see noodles more often, its so hard cause she's hardly ever online, and my mom has my phone. ugh. a lot of my parent's friends (other than my godmother) ask me why dont i have any friends that are indians? there are plenty of reasons for this, although it all adds up to one thing: they are ALL spoiled little stuck up brats. although i've met a couple of exceptions, that is the majority of them. i used to go to this sunday school WAY back when i still lived in MI, and everyone was indian. my mom (and sometimes dad) used to drop me and my brother off and the second the session was done we used to run to my mom's car. we both couldn't STAND anyone there. i also used to go to this indian dance class when i was younger and i HATED it. i HATED everything about it. im sorry i HIGHLY DISLIKE it. the teacher didnt like me, nor did any of the kids. i was a tomboy (still am) and everyone was a girly girl, i just didnt fit in. instead i stuck out like a sore thumb in a bad way. i was constantly criticized for every little thing i did wrong, my mom did nothing about it. my dad accused my teacher for giving other girls special treatment (which she was clearly doing) and denied it of course. i used to love dance, i nearly hated it after that bitch. besides my family and people i consider family, i never trusted indians after that. it's hard for me to trust people in general, i was bullied for so long i have to put my guard up. ive been an outcast for so long it kinda gets tiring after a while when you dont get noticed anywhere. im determined to make people notice me. the good thing that came out of this is that you can ridicule me and criticize me all you want, and i can take it like a man. if u say something really mean, its gonna hurt me for about a few seconds then i'll get over it. ive developed a thick skin over the years and thats something no one can take away from me. however, those that were "supposed" friends of mine would probably laugh at me like they always did, but i could careless, because u never cared for me and never will. thats why i only have a FEW close friends that i openly talk to and share my secrets with. i constantly get scrutinized by my dad because i dont have many friends, i have friends i just dont want to get close with them. i mean why should i? *sighs* i really wish i had bf now. at least i would have someone to talk to besides my bff and my bro.