nooooooo.....its almost over!

so im back from chicago, it was fun. great food, great places. didnt go downtown though which sucked but parking is a bitch down there. i love the chi. i would go back in a heart beat. i came back on wednesday and now spring break is almost done and i have to get started on some work. i have to get started on my interviews for business and i have to finish up my poem for poetry. i have some pictures below.
sometimes i find my life to be so frustrating. one family member wants to leave and never come back (although they've been saying that for the last five years). one family member wants to pretend we're still one big happy family. and im going "we have never been a happy family!" im getting gray hairs because of this. im only 19! i should technically be "doing something better with my life" because apparently all 19 year olds know what they want to do for the rest of their lives. its so frustrating because i feel all alone. i feel like no one understands what im going through. its a freaking miracle that i havent done any drugs yet.

seriously anyone who's ever been through what i have has
a) OD'd
b)cut themselves
or c) seen a therapist.
i have done none of the above. my dad is like "oh none of you make me happy so im just going stay at my apartment till i get what i expect from all of you" crap. all because i said "being a scientist isnt the only type of intelligence that you can have". im so sick of trying to defend myself everytime. okay so no, im not the scientist like you are, you dont have to call me dumb for that. what kind of close mindedness is that? just because people dont think like you do doesnt mean they're not any smarter than you are. yeah i failed at chemistry, so what? so did half the students in my class. why? because i went to a ARTS school. where it is known for theater and music. i didnt get accepted anywhere else because i am not a good test taker. never have been , never will be. i got an average score for my ACTS and i dont want to graduate from a major university, i dont. whats the point of spending a lot of money going to a school thats really well known when u can learn the same stuff at a local school thats not really well known for a different price? thats like going to a betsy johnson store and spending $600 on the same dress that you could buy at goodwill for $6. or a stripper at a high end club (like i would know) its dumb and not financially savvy.

ugh im so tired of going through the same motions with people who dont seem to get (or ever will get) where im coming from.

im so tired of dealing with the same issues over and over again like its groundhogs day.


im tired of working out and dieting and not seeing results. (instead of losing weight, im gaining weight).

im tired of crying over things i cant control.

im tired of the paul walker poster, that i keep forgeting to take down in my room.


im so tired...

im tired of being unhappy period.