spring is here

so spring is finally here and im running harder than i have before. im going farther on the treadmill and on the track and finally seeing some muscle tone on my body. it looks like all the workouts are starting to pay off.

i didnt get the job at 3DL design, which is disappointing. it looked like a pretty demanding position, so im also kinda glad i didnt get it. im really tired of doing nothing except working out on the days i dont go to class. i really need a job but no one is hiring. its really frustrating.

my night classes are going fine, im in a bigger cohort this time around so its different. however im really glad im with people that are really serious about getting their education. the one thing i hated at parkside was the fact no one was that serious about anything, students went through the motions and didnt really give a damn. but here they actually do give a damn and they challenge me a whole lot too. even with a full time job and a family, they manage to find the time and make getting an education a priority, which is something that should be applauded.


anyways the reason im writing is because I have somethings i want to let you, this is a poem/journal:

I may seem close guarded or isolated; thats just how I am.
It's not that I don't want to talk to you. It's just I don't know what to say.
I'm an introvert, I like to keep to myself, but that doesn't mean that I don't want to talk
Understand that there are things I don't feel comfortable talking about.
Boys don't like talking to me because I'm a tomboy. I guess I intimidate them or something.
People think I'm safe. So what if I am? Well I'm sorry if I don't spend my weekends partying it up and snorting coke or smoking weed and drinking. I'm not the girl who goes up to random people and just talk.
I have been raised on the morals of that hard work leads to great things. If that was true than Goldman Sachs would've been in jail a long time ago.
Boys let me ask you a question: Does it bother you if a girl wears jeans, tshirt, a hoodie with her hair in a pony tail and wearing no makeup and her sneakers till they are torn to shreds?
I only one three pairs of shoes, my tennis shoes or sneakers, my high heels, and my boots with a one inch flat heel. guess which one i wear all the time.
It hurts when people say stuff about me that's not true. I put a guard on, but I do have feelings. I'm a very sensitive person underneath it all.
With all that's happened last year I finally know who my real friends are.
Thanks for those who stuck with me and gave me support when I needed it.
I refuse to conform to ideals that Indian women are "supposed" to do. I refuse to do anything that would make women look like the slaves of society.
I don't like being lied to or I don't like anyone talking about me behind my back.
I really don't like it when people are ignorant and disrespectful of a person's race ethnicity or sexuality.
I really really don't like it when people are ignorant to other people's ideas without giving it proper thought.
I'm writing this cause sometimes I feel ignored and when people don't call or write back to me it makes me think I was being used the entire time, for what I have no idea.


so that's it. i have more to write on that later.