the circus freak

jillian michaels: she's a fraud alright

2010-10-15T00:14:00.003-05:00

dont get me wrong, i used to love this chick, along with the rest of america. but there is this guy, who is a highly qualified and certified trainer, named steve turano who completely shut this chick down. i respect this guy cause he makes a whole lot more sense than jillian ever did. he actually answered a couple of my questions on his radio show. he explained why her techniques are wrong, and why everything from the biggest loser is all for television. this guy explains everything down to a science, something jillian doesnt do a lot on her show. on the show they arent teaching you proper methods of weight loss. not to mention jillian throws up every time she sees a hamburger or nachos, as if she has never ever seen the stuff in her life. there are many people who leave the show gaining back the weight they have lost

im so glad more people are calling jillian out. my biggest problem with jillian is how she is feeding everyone lies about weight loss and its very clear she has her own agenda (look at all the products she has out now). she does a rebuttal on yahoo saying she has X amount of certificates, and "one that doesnt expire" well according to steve, "getting those certificates are really simple" she may inspire people to lose weight, but a trainer she is not.

its been (what it seems like) forever

2010-09-27T22:04:00.002-05:00

wow, i haven't written a blog in a long time. twitter is taking over my life i tell you. i remember when i used to write a blog a week, it would've been two months of me not writing, had i not remembered to write today. there was not much to talk about, other than my workout routines, which is going well since i added more cardio into it. i am doing well in school a 3.5 GPA, the only reason its not a 4.0 is because i had some crappy professors who couldn't teach. i mean i pay them to teach me shit not to read off the damn syllabus. the only thing not going well is my job search, yup eight months and still jobless. something deep inside me thinks that the right job hasnt come by yet and i guess its just not in the cards for me this year. i absolutely hate borrowing money from my parents and it just sucks to be in this position. oh how i wish this economy was still in 2006 condition.

anyway im writing cause i actually found something to write about. new albums!!!
linkin park's new album, a thousand suns came out on the 14th, the same day halo reach came out (and yes it is awesome).
a thousand suns is really a work of art, it took me four to five listens of the whole album (from beginning to end, just as mike shinoda suggested) to really appreciate what they have done. it was really amazing to hear, this band has grown so much since hybrid theory (random thought: ten year anniversary of hybrid theory is coming up next month, wonder what they will do) and will continue to do so for many years to come. as for the haters and so called true LP fans: these guys have pushed the envelope since the very beginning of their careers, if you don't realize that then maybe you shouldnt call yourself a true LP fan.

favorite songs? by far, the catalyst, wretches and kings, blackout, and when they come for me.
now some of the songs i could do without, do i wish there were more guitars? yes. more power vocals? yes. more mike rapping? yes. do i wish they did more things like hybrid theory and meteora? somewhat, maybe thats the 14 year old me talking. the 21 year old me likes all of their albums.

after four listens (at least) i give this album 9/10

now on to maroon 5, another favorite band of mine.
i have been waiting on this album, for what seems like forever and when i listened to it; i have to be honest, i was not happy.
i do have to give them credit though on creating a sound that was more funky and gave something that people could dance to unlike songs about jane.
it seems like the first half of the album was great, but the rest was mediocre. i expected much more out of this album, but i was very disappointed. i was really hoping for the SAJ sound to come back, only edgier. there are only so many songs about girls that broke you heart/ slept with that you can write about. the lyrics were very generic, and the title song, hands all over, sounded a lot like pour some sugar on me by def leppard. these guys are really talented and im not going to drop them as one of my favorite bands just like that. i was hoping for some creativity on like they did on wake up call and makes me wonder.
they really set the bar high for themselves when they did SAJ. adam really poured his heart out and if you listen carefully you could hear it breaking, on that album. i heard some of it break on it wont be soon before long, and almost none of it on hands all over.
despite the disappointment, i did have some favorites, hands all over, misery, give me a little more, stutter (which gives a nice doowop feeling), last chance (which is not even on the real album just the deluxe version), and out of goodbyes with lady antebellum.
i will give it a few more listens before i give a proper rating but for now its a 6/10.

so thats my two album reviews. i'll try to keep up and write more reviews and remember you can follow me on twitter, where i basically write my thoughts anyways. until then.....

you act so innocent, all full with good intent.

2010-08-06T18:02:00.002-05:00

hello all. been a while since my last post, been trying to think of topics, but ive been a little stressed lately.well for one, my parents are trying to sell the house and are pressuring me to transfer my classes to IL. i dont want to because i KNOW that half of my credits wont get transferred over and i will have to start over, which means more years in college and more money. i really need a break from my family , not a long one, but just a day or two away from all of them. im going over to BFF's noodles, place on sunday so maybe that will be my escape. other than that everything is going well for me, im losing more weight by running, exercising, and eating right. my regular classes wont start till september so i still have time to chill.

*insert anchor voice here* in other news. the catalyst released worldwide on tuesday, and i was very pleased with what i heard. its a crazy mix of electronica and hard rock. its really hard to explain, its something you're gonna have to hear for yourself. i hope to see both maroon 5 and linkin park live, but at this rate i dont think its going to happen. *sniffles*

alright lets get to my topic which is "current reality tv".
i dont mind some reality shows, like the food networks "next food network star" and "the amazing race". but shows like "the jersey shore" and "ochocinco: the ultimate catch" really makes me lose faith in this country. the fact that "the jersey shore" gets as much attention as it does is truly astounding. whatever happened to plain ol' scripted television? not just having some over paid actors with bad tans and too much hair gel / spray act like a bunch of idiots? is this what television has come to? these morons were in newsweek. NEWSWEEK! you know the magazine that talks about politics and things that ACTUALLY MATTER IN THE WORLD. what the hell did they contribute to the world to deserve a spot on newsweek? its a sad day in the world when people who earn almost a years worth salary PER EPISODE that act and speak nothing more than a four year old going to preschool rings in the NYSE bell in front of all stock brokers who spent years in college working their asses off getting an education. you know whats even sadder? they are laughing their way to the bank! you know maybe i should forget about getting a degree and act like a dumbass for the cameras, and make 3x as much as my cousin is making at his cubical job.
who can you blame for what passes as television? MTV, who really should change their name to RTV since 99.9% of their programming is reality. and none of those shows are even that good. all im saying is if you name your channel music television, well there damn well better be music on it and not some twenty somethings (or so we're told) fighting and pulling their poofy hair. *end rant*

thats why i like fuse. at least they show music videos.
bye

catalyst misery

2010-07-16T10:37:00.008-05:00

i know its been a while since i updated this blog; a part of it is because im busy with school and family another part of it is because i dont have anything interesting to write about that hasnt already been said before. i also post the majority of my thoughts on twitter. i will start writing album reviews again once maroon 5 and linkin park come out with their albums in september. i guess i could review maroon 5's latest single misery.

maroon 5 went to switzerland to record with producer mutt lange for their latest album hands all over.

(i do not like this cover btw)
misery is about a man who broke up with his girlfriend but doesnt want to leave (what a shock), this song has their usual influences, (michael jackson, prince, stevie wonder, ect) but what is missing from this song is an infectious hook that they are known for. the "i am in misery, there aint nobody that can comfort me" hook isnt their best hook, and not infectious right away, but i promise you after a couple of listens it will be.

it also seems that this is more of a live song, as presented on the today show, than a studio song.

if the rest of the album is like this song well i personally would be disappointed.

meanwhile linkin park has been giving puzzles to their fans; the clever mike shinoda gave the puzzles to fans on his blog.
the puzzles read "a thousand suns" which is their album title and "the catalyst", which is to be their lead single. the album due september 10th, is rumored to be more electronic.

cant wait for the catalyst to come out on august 2nd!

been busier than usual.

2010-06-14T18:45:00.008-05:00

i havent been writing a lot lately, mainly because of all the things going on around me. my parents moved from their one bedroom apartment to a two bedroom condo. i went to seattle for a family trip, which was fun except for the fact that it rained all the damn time. we went to the rose garden where i took amazing rose photos.

i know it's been a while since i posted pictures of anything, but i just havent been inspired until that trip. my classes at my night class have gotten tougher and i just have been a little down because i have been going into this thing lately where i think im going to die alone. love has not been kind to me in the past, it has bitch slapped in the face and thrown me on to the ground. *sighs* i feel like im 14 again saying all this love crap. sometimes i believe it wont ever happen to me.

well enough of that lets talk about the recent oil spill, to only have two word to say to BP, jack asses. what the hell are they thinking? the spill will magically clean itself up? that obama will step in? which he is in no position to do anything except maybe tell BP to get on it. this is BP's mess and they should clean their crap up. end of story.

my job hunt is still not going well, i got another rejection email about two weeks ago. makes me wanna give up on my job search because most of the places i send my resume to don't even reply back to me. i refuse to go back to my old job, only because i believe it will not take me anywhere. i guess i just have to stick to being a full time student for now.

its also been a year since my mom was diagnosed with pulmonary hypertension. she has almost made a full recovery since then. this disease will stay with her for the rest of her life, which means she will be on medication for the rest of her life. i have learned quite a bit too. sometimes life throws you curve balls and you have to roll with the punches. i also learned that not everyone will stick with you when times do get tough, even the ones who knew you forever. i am also very grateful for all those prayers that went to my mom in that time of need. and i am also thankful to anyone who told me that my mom would be fine and lifted my spirits when they were the lowest it has ever been. no one knew how much i have cried every night when she was in the hospital and no one knew how much i wanted to be there in the hospital with her through those rough nights.

although her medication makes her have crazy mood swings, when she is happy, it makes me happy too.

i'll be writing more soon. thats it for now.

the patriot act: how far is going to far?

2010-04-27T10:24:00.005-05:00

the job hunt isnt going as well as i originally thought it would. i send my resumes out, most of the time with no response. i send out follow ups with no response. i only got one interview in the last month. and they didnt want me because i wasnt the right person for the job. the girl in my group for my night class says that i should enjoy the freedom i have now because having a full time job sucks. i guess would be true if i were looking for a full time job.

im finally starting to see the benefits of working out regularly. not only am i losing fat, i have more energy and strength than ever before. i just feel more fit and it feels really good.

this new law that passed in arizona has me all riled up. it basically states the the police have a right to stop you if they think your an illegal. i dont like illegals as much as the next person, but this is going too far. i realize that we need to keep illegals in check, but not stop anybody that looks like them! thats racial profiling! my cousin and my brother have been racially profiled in airports. my brother who is a goddamn US citizen has been racially profiled. all because of the patriot act; a red herring to basically take our rights away. people have shed blood for those rights and freedom and now we say its alright to take away those rights because of suspected illegals? are you f-ing kidding me??? this is the most ridiculous thing i have ever heard.

for those who are saying "whats the big deal?" i'll tell you what the big deal is. this is looking more and more to be the first of many new immigration laws across the country. and yes this may not directly affect you, but it will in part will make it harder to than it already is to go to and from other countries. it will also make it more difficult for those who want to legally settle here.

spring is here

2010-04-18T23:39:00.003-05:00

so spring is finally here and im running harder than i have before. im going farther on the treadmill and on the track and finally seeing some muscle tone on my body. it looks like all the workouts are starting to pay off.

i didnt get the job at 3DL design, which is disappointing. it looked like a pretty demanding position, so im also kinda glad i didnt get it. im really tired of doing nothing except working out on the days i dont go to class. i really need a job but no one is hiring. its really frustrating.

my night classes are going fine, im in a bigger cohort this time around so its different. however im really glad im with people that are really serious about getting their education. the one thing i hated at parkside was the fact no one was that serious about anything, students went through the motions and didnt really give a damn. but here they actually do give a damn and they challenge me a whole lot too. even with a full time job and a family, they manage to find the time and make getting an education a priority, which is something that should be applauded.

anyways the reason im writing is because I have somethings i want to let you, this is a poem/journal:

I may seem close guarded or isolated; thats just how I am.
It's not that I don't want to talk to you. It's just I don't know what to say.
I'm an introvert, I like to keep to myself, but that doesn't mean that I don't want to talk
Understand that there are things I don't feel comfortable talking about.
Boys don't like talking to me because I'm a tomboy. I guess I intimidate them or something.
People think I'm safe. So what if I am? Well I'm sorry if I don't spend my weekends partying it up and snorting coke or smoking weed and drinking. I'm not the girl who goes up to random people and just talk.
I have been raised on the morals of that hard work leads to great things. If that was true than Goldman Sachs would've been in jail a long time ago.
Boys let me ask you a question: Does it bother you if a girl wears jeans, tshirt, a hoodie with her hair in a pony tail and wearing no makeup and her sneakers till they are torn to shreds?
I only one three pairs of shoes, my tennis shoes or sneakers, my high heels, and my boots with a one inch flat heel. guess which one i wear all the time.
It hurts when people say stuff about me that's not true. I put a guard on, but I do have feelings. I'm a very sensitive person underneath it all.
With all that's happened last year I finally know who my real friends are.
Thanks for those who stuck with me and gave me support when I needed it.
I refuse to conform to ideals that Indian women are "supposed" to do. I refuse to do anything that would make women look like the slaves of society.
I don't like being lied to or I don't like anyone talking about me behind my back.
I really don't like it when people are ignorant and disrespectful of a person's race ethnicity or sexuality.
I really really don't like it when people are ignorant to other people's ideas without giving it proper thought.
I'm writing this cause sometimes I feel ignored and when people don't call or write back to me it makes me think I was being used the entire time, for what I have no idea.

so that's it. i have more to write on that later.

it's been awhile

2010-03-25T11:48:00.004-05:00

well it's been a long time since i posted, but there is a lot to talk about. first off, i got an interview with a company called 3DL Design. it's a sales associate position job. i really hope i get it. second, watching the food network on a daily basis has started to pay off. it has made me a better cook. i watch it at least three hours a day learning foods, tips and techniques. my favorite shows are everyday italian with giada de lautertiis, cooking for real, tyler's ultimate, boy meets grill, throwdown with bobby flay, and barefoot contessa. i don't really like a lot of paula deen's recipes only because they are too unhealthy. im pretty sure this is what i needed, because if i had to see another train wreck reality trash show on vh1 mtv or e! again, i was going to scream. at least you can learn something off of the reality shows the food network offers.
the third (but certainly not the least) thing i wanted to talk about is my cousin's wedding. yes he got married. he got married on march 10th in bangalore, india. me and the rest of the family were all there. (yes, i went to india in the middle of the school year). getting the visas were a pain, my bro and i had to go to the indian embassy to get them because the place we went to considered holi a holiday. after we got our visas, we had to do some packing. that took awhile because my mom takes forever to pack. she also needed to approved for the trip because of her condition. my cousin had to get all of his documents together for him to travel out the country. he was also planning to take the girl back with him after they got married (that was a pain too). when we got there on (march 3 or 4th?) we were very jet lagged but we had to meet the girl that day. so i had to change and put make up on. we had to squeeze five of us in to a three person car. and go to the other side of town. i was super tired, but didnt show it. there wasnt any time to rest (or breathe for that matter) within the next few days. we had to get clothes, shoes, the works for the wedding. all of it within a week and half. i still cant believe we pulled it off. we had rituals before the wedding we had to do. it was only a couple hours for two days, but with meeting the family and friends it felt like forever. the girl hema, (pronounced like hay-ma) was awesome and fun. she's quiet, but im sure it's because she's away from her family right now. im so happy that my cousin finally got married. everyone said that i should get married in india. im like hell no. i could never go through the same thing that hema went through. india is not my place anyway, i wasnt born there, i didnt grow up there. i grew up in the US, so i get married there.
it's been almost two weeks since i came back and im still trying to get over the jet lag.

btw i lost weight when i was there. yeah, you'd think with the amount of sweets they gave us, i would gain five pounds. when i starting working out again when i came back, my cardio took a major hit. there is so much pollution over there that it took a week to get it all out. the pollution gets worse everytime i go there.
i'll post pictures up eventually.
till then...

my thoughts on american idol

2010-01-29T10:47:00.003-06:00

i havent posted in awhile because i didnt have a good enough topic to talk about. so while i was in the shower i was thinking why did adam lambert lose to kris allen on american idol? then that got me thinking about how american idol was similar to a corporate business. then that got me thinking about how i should write a blog about it.

i am not avid idol watcher. if i do watch idol its probably because im in between two other shows that are worth watching on commercial breaks. the scary thing about idol is that a person like me who never watches the show could still know what is going on. the first season of american idol, was my favorite one (even though i really didnt watch it) because of kelly clarkson. by the end of the season everyone knew who she was. today,because of the internet and social networking everyone knows the first and maybe last names of the top ten. i knew who adam lambert was because of adrianne curry's blog. she never watched american idol before this guy, so i knew he must be worth checking out. i admit it i saw some of his idol performances on youtube thought he was really talented and should win. the night before the idol results finale, im not kidding you my facebook and twitter blew up with status updates saying "vote for adam lambert!!!!!!!" a lot of people wanted him to win. and maybe a selected few wanted kris to win. the moment after it was announced that kris won, you could feel the disappointment through my computer.

i knew exactly what happened. something thats been happening since at least season two. i am suggesting what you are probably thinking. ladies and gentlemen that are avid idol watchers, american idol is.......wait for it........RIGGED!!!!! *GASP* "really?" "no way!" yes it is rigged. adam lambert and clay aiken's loss have proven it is rigged. how is it rigged you ask? let me explain

lets think of american idol as a corporate business. the executive producer, simon cowell, is the CEO. now simon must choose very carefully who does he want to represent the american idol brand. a lot of people apply for the job but only few will make it by house vote. lets talk about the house vote, which represents the american vote, now since simon is CEO he can control who the house votes, he can belittle a applicant, while his other three directors (judges) have their opinion. the other producers, that are behind the scenes give a limited choice of topics (songs) to talk about. if they win over house vote anyways, they can always "direct the calls another way". like they did with the big at&t scandal back in'04.

now lets talk about how they chose winners. well lets look at season one winner kelly clarkson, now since she managed to have a fruitful career, which i think she owes it to idol producers, lets look at how she was chosen a winner. kelly had the usual "small town girl" background. she had girl next door looks and a beautiful voice....she was in other words completely marketable. what about justin guarini? other having a nice voice and hair, he didnt have a lot going on. so the clear winner was kelly. now lets fast forward to the most recent winner, kris allen. boyish, or as adrianne curry put it "disney good looks" incredible voice, able to sing in front of audiences of all ages. very marketable. lets look at adam lambert. very controversial, great voice, edgy and original, but also has a slew of fans of all ages. so why did kris win? i hate to pull the gay card out, but i honestly think that was it. CEO simon, doesnt want middle america to see a eyeliner wearing american idol. but what i dont get is if the company is about making money (which it is) then why not choose a winner they will profit the most off of? adam lambert is currently getting more radio plays and downloads than kris allen.

very strange from a business standpoint. so to all of you idol watchers that are voting consistently, just know that there is a good percentage that your house vote will not count.

ahh holidays

2010-01-11T14:46:00.002-06:00

so its been awhile since my last blog....thats mostly because of the holidays. i am hoping things go a lot better this year than last year. first and foremost i need to get a job that will help my degree. my night class has started back up again, i have been taking non western religions to fill a gap. i will be going back into my regular cohort soon and i will probably go into the bachelor's program.

i was just thinking a lot about my past lately and thinking "god how different would i have been had i not done that?" i have more so been thinking about my high school years and my depression. i cant believe i have overcome all that. there were times when i just wanted to die, there were times when i just thought if i died right now no one would care. even during the first year of college, how overwhelmed i was.

i think things can only go up from here. i have gone through so much in the past year and i just want everything to go right...if possible.

i wanna talk about some movies that i absolutely loved in 2009....a late list i know.

1. The Hangover.......i absolutely love this movie, yes it is a little crude in some places, but awesome
2. Avatar........WOW amazing visuals....must see in theaters in 3D
3. Paranormal Activity......some people who saw this on DVD says its not scary at all. that is because they didnt turn the lights down and turn the volume all the way up. or they didnt see it in theaters. incredibly scary....couldnt sleep for days.

on my next blog i'll put up a top ten musicians of the decade

a letter to the president

2009-12-16T20:25:00.002-06:00

Dear President Obama,

I would like to start by saying what a wonderful job you're doing despite all the hardships you are facing. You do not deserve all the stuff you are getting right now since most of it was brought by your predecessor. Don't get too excited, I didn't vote for you because I thought you were inexperienced. I still think you are inexperienced, but you are handling it quite well.

The reason I am writing is because I have an issue to address which is the public education system in this country. I understand you have already raised this issue back in may where you talked about how the system could be improved. With all due respect Mr. President, this is where I have to disagree with you. The system doesn't need money, it needs a new curriculum. I have been a student for most of my life it seems, so, I know what its like to be in a school with no doors and no cafeteria. I also know what its like to have teachers less than qualified "teach" just for a paycheck. However, I have also been to India where the students there go to schools that don't have enough desks or chairs for a class of 50 that only supplies for 30. They still, however, are taught at a higher level than the students in the US by teachers there also wouldn't be qualified US standards.

I think you know all the studies done on the US students vs all the other students in the world, so I won't tell you about them. I will tell you that the core of the problem is not money, it's the attitude. We need to change the current curriculum to make students more focused on their studies rather than sports or entertainment. We need to reward them for hard work and only pass students with a minimum of a B average than a C. We are only limiting students of their greatness if we keep rewarding mediocrity.

How many more dropouts do we have to face before we become the worst educated country? How much more money do we have to spend on re educating workers that do not know basic reading and writing?

We can change this Mr. President, we can change how education works in our country we can change the future, which is our children, because I do not want my kids going through the same education system that I went through.

Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,
Supriya A Prasad

i gotta feeling that im about to sneeze again....about to sneeze again

2009-12-03T12:26:00.003-06:00

thats right i got a cold again. i also had to give a speech today while handling my cold. (i did very well thank you very much). i havent taken my vitamins, and the temperature changed from 50 to 30 overnight. anyways ive started up my night classes again the class is about non western religions. everyone seems nice, but seriously the last hour of the class last week was not needed, i was very irritated.

i still cant believe its december. seems like the year just flew by for me, this year has been an emotional rollercoaster filled with mostly downs rather than ups. hopefully next year will be different.

i was recently in a one sided debate with a friend about president obama, she said he hasnt really done anything since he's been in office. which i agree on. but she also said that he hasnt kept any of his campaign promises, im like "what politican does?" she also said that government run healthcare will not work because in canada it takes months to get an mri. well see my blog i did on sicko for that side. my point here is that obama is a man with little experience and he will do well if he listens to those more experienced. this begs the question: is he listening?

i am really tired of the constant attacks on tiger woods. so what if he cheated? is it any of my business if he cheats? how is that affecting me? why should he give a statement, is it any of my concern if he does? i saw a guy on the today show saying that "he should've given a statement within 24 hours, regardless of who is advising him." and to justify that he said "this guy has won multiple championships, he's in the media all the time we have a right to know" um no you f-ing dont! the guy has a right to privacy. he wasnt endangering anybody but himself (physically) and his wife (emotionally) and whoever his mistress is. athletes are athletes, they play, they win and conquer. they dont whore themselves out to the media. hey news outlets here's some advice if the man wants to be left alone...LEAVE HIM ALONE. he's not freaking speidi for godsakes.

i have a love hate relationships with the entertainment media. mostly with TMZ, some of the stuff they put on tv is freaking hilarious but most of it is sad. and with E!, im really sick of the stupid twilight coverage. so freaking what????!!!! i read what's its really about over here.....funny as hell but surprisingly true...it was honestly worse than what i thought it was. that is one f-ked up series. and i read a couple of vampire books too.....WAY better than twilight is. robert pattinson is freaking hot though...trust me i really wanted to HATE the guy...he had so many things going against him (well just one) he's british. i saw him on the today show and couldnt help but say "i guess he's not so bad after all" i still hate twilight though.

im pretty sure my bro and my cousin are going to make a list of all the hot women he wants to be with now....and i dont care :)

thats it for now.

i havent written in awhile

2009-11-18T00:18:00.002-06:00

there is so much going on in my life right now that i feel like im going to explode at times. i wont reveal too much but some of it has to do with my family but most of it has to do with me. i fear a lot. i fear i will die alone, i fear that i will never reach my career goals, i fear that i will be stuck at home for the rest of my life. my parents dont really understand what i go through, what i deal with everyday nor do they make an effort to. i think that was what sent me over the edge. i constantly feel under appreciated for everything i do for them and i feel like i have to force a thank you out of them every time. but in the end all i really needed was just a couple of days to myself which i did and i feel a lot better.

moving on.....im just relieved that new moon is nearing its release date so i wont have to see all of those ads for it on tv or the cast coming on my shows i watch and promoting it like their life depends on it. and im very tired of hearing the stupid rob and kristin rumors. its very clear from the body language i saw on the today show, (hey i was bored and i didnt feel like changing the channel) that they were in fact hiding that they are dating. my bro even noticed the little freudian slips kristin gave on the today show. i just wish those two would just say yes we are dating and move on so they dont take up anymore of my show's time. i never even read the books or seen the movie and i know what the hell is going on which is even sadder.

i have also recently have seen that chick carrie prejean on cnn, promoting her book and how she's a victim and crap. it wasnt even her stand on gay marriage that got me mad (frankly, i thought it was she was entitled to her opinion, if she were to say that to me i wouldve told her "to rewrite the constitution so you cant vote ,go to war, not marry) i lost all respect for that chick when she played the victim card when this supposed "christian" has a sex tape. unbelievable. she justifies her claims by putting blame on the liberals whenever they attack conservatives. again unbelievable. you know you cant take this chick seriously especially when she calls sarah palin her hero. and that wasnt even the hilarious part, it was the fact that she calls herself accomplished that was so funny. im sorry but what did she accomplish exactly other than being hated by most of nation?

thats it for now...i'll write more soon

new show review

2009-11-02T21:50:00.003-06:00

the following is another review, if you don't want to read it then leave now or bite me.

there isn't a lot of new shows out there (or any good ones to say the least), but there was one that surprised me. it's the new show on usa called white collar. its about neal caffery, a con man, escapes from prison with just three months left on his three year sentence using the fraud like techniques showed in movies like "catch me if you can" and "ocean's eleven". he stops at an empty apartment with an empty wine bottle where the cops and peter burke, the man who's been trailing him for years, catch him. back in prison, neal ends up making a deal with peter, he could help catch other thieves just like him, if he gets released under peter's watch.

as the pilot develops you discover that peter is married to a wife who keeps him grounded, and neal is just a hopeless romantic. you end up rooting for both of them by the end of the episode.

i honestly wasn't expecting to love it, but i did. this is the first time in a very long time im excited for friday to come so i can see another episode.

i guess it's time for a movie review

2009-10-25T12:42:00.001-05:00

its that time of year again, all the scary movies coming out right before halloween (or the movie Saw, that comes out every halloween). i saw a movie that made me lose sleep two nights in a row, paranormal activity. The movie takes place in san diego, california where a young couple easily in their twenties, recently started noticing strange things happening in their home. to be sure that it was paranormal they rented a camera to catch these strange things. what they found was something beyond freaky.

paranormal activity is not your everyday scary story. it's taken from the angle of the rented camera, so it looks like a "mockumentary" ala blair witch project. the story starts off slow only to build up to an amazing scary ending. there are not a lot of characters that have a lot of lines but the couple they show us and the visual effects (if used at all) were not obvious. to be honest, the raw and realness of the video made me think this was actual footage of someone's house.

because of the direction, storyline, acting, the the incredible amount of fear i got from it, i give this movie an A.

my advice for those who want to see it:
1. please go into the movie with ZERO expectations, if you listened to the hype just wait for the DVD.
2. i strongly advise not to see this movie alone, this is actually a very good date movie, i saw a lot of girls holding on to their significant others throughout the movie.
3. whatever you do NOT see this movie at night, i know a lot of people who did this and they stayed awake the entire night.
4. the movie is rated R for a reason, it is SCARY, so please use your common sense and don't bring children under 17 to it.

well thats it.

i'll probably write my review for law abiding citizen later

writing with a killer headache

2009-10-22T19:45:00.002-05:00

so my mom came from chicago and is staying at the house for a couple weeks. last year, my mom was used to seeing my bro and i every day, this year is different especially since june. having her here is nice, but at the same time it's a little drag because my bro and i have to take care of her. it's not that she's immobile or anything, she just needs more attention. sometimes its too much for me. i was thinking about getting a job, but now it seems like madness. with the stress level already high for me right now, i dont know if i could take a job plus the recession took a big toll on where i live. sometimes i feel just as stressed as the people in my night class, and they have full time jobs, have kids and are married (well most of them are). i am 20 years old and i should be living it up instead im stuck at home most of the time. i chose career instead of partying it up in college. i chose to go home after work instead of spending the whole night riding rides or searching for flags. i chose not to go after the one i like instead of having a boyfriend. those were my decisions and which lead me to where? having no fun whatsoever. things always held me back, my parents for one, and fear for two. i bet you anything next year im going to be celebrating my 21st birthday with my family instead of my friends. i could put the blame on my parents for me not having any fun during my teens, but i wont. because i could've easily told them i was going to my best friend's house when i would really go to a party that was loaded with alcohol and who knows what else. i was invited to those back in high school, not directly, but i knew if i asked they wouldve said yes. a lot of shit happened to me in high school. my heart got broken (hey whose didn't?), i was pretty much an outcast mostly because i was friends with a girl who basically whored herself to every guy she saw. i wanted to help her but she talked some crap behind my best friend's back (she was friends with her too) and lets just say i lost touch with her. besides my best friend, i had no one. i mean i was cool with some people but i never hung out with them outside of school. i just felt so withdrawn during that time, i felt so out of place with everyone. the only time i didn't was when i was in drama club. there i felt like the girls who didn't talk to me did when i did my first play. my second play, no one did. i remember one time senior year, there was a girl who moved from texas, she was a beautiful blonde girl, i offered to show her around because i've been in her position before. she kinda snubbed me and said "well i know where everything is" it wasnt long before she found her new friends which was the popular crowd who showed her around. i looked at her facebook and found that she was popular at her old school too. i believe its the theory of natural stability, or something like that when a teenager is a certain way at one school he or she will most likely be the same way when they move. its 75% with popular kids i believe, i learned that in my developmental psych class last semester. i have also taken enough psych classes to know that i was depressed most of my times in high school more so the end of sophomore year till senior year. i knew i was depressed, but i didn't think anything of it. i didn't know how bad it was until the beginning of my sophomore year in college, when i was learning about depression and more so this year. i also gained a lot of weight during high school and i didn't do much about it. you see, people who have known me forever would know that i used to be a tiny girl, i used to be around 5'3-5'4 till i sprouted up to 5'9. i also used to be bone skinny, my bro was like this too. people thought that my parents never fed us. we had such insanely high metabolisms. but i gained weight when i was 14 (my mom couldnt be happier), and kept gaining till i was 15 because i never got used to my new metabolism. i started working out, and i got into shape last year. i wish i feel the same way about my mental health as i do with my physical health though.

its hard to love yourself when you find so many faults, you know? i look in the mirror and i see so many things wrong with my face. sometimes i have my fat days too. you know when one day you realize you look overweight, but when you work out you feel better. there are days where i feel like i will die alone because i dont go out with anyone. there are days where i feel like i will being living at home until i die. i have my days where i say this isn't going to happen, where i make positive goals for myself so i don't think like that. i do have my days where i just write poems. because poems are my drugs. then there are days where i feel like a free bird, i dance around and be a happy child of god.

i just hope there are more days like that for me.

im sick with nothing else to do

2009-10-12T13:36:00.002-05:00

dont you love catching a cold?...it only happens to me once a year so i guess today had to be it. lets see topics...topics....what to talk about.
i guess i could talk about my weird dream last night. i dreamt i was in this theater and linkin park (it couldve been dead by sunrise but im not sure) was playing inside. i somehow got front row seats and my bro was in the back (dont ask me why) anyways chester bennington comes down from the stage and into our area and i started going nuts. when the song ended he was going back up to the stage and i said something along the lines of "your awesome! thanks for all the music you brought into my life and i love you!!" and he touched his sweaty hand with mine and said "no thank YOU" and he left. he was shirtless like he always was when it;s the middle of a set. and i remember saying to myself "did i just scream like a little fangirl when he touched my hand?"

i got up a thousand times last night because of my cold and i had three dreams but this is the one i remembered the most. my first one was playing halo 3. which made sense cause i was playing halo 3 before i went to sleep.

you know sitting here talking about my dream and looking out the window which is filled with gray clouds doesn't make me feel any better about my cold...im slightly better now that i took a hot shower and drank some warm water.

oh! i know who to talk about now!

listen to this

Amazing right????

his name is Nick Pitera, he's a college graduate and is working for Pixar. it looks like he wasnt pursuing singing full time before but i bet he is now.

that's it for now

ahhhh review!

2009-10-02T14:56:00.004-05:00

someone said im copying my brother in post topics for those of you who don't know already my brother has a blog of his own which you can view here . this isn't true. not only was my last post a quick review of sicko. i also had an example and an opinion, which yes, is quite similar to my brother's but is different.

anyways im not writing to refute that comment, but im writing because i recently heard the new dead by sunrise album, out of ashes. its soo good. for those of you into that whole head banging rock my suffering, fire, and crawl back in is good. and for those of you into that sensitive rock, "into you", "give me your name" (i want that song to be my first dance at my wedding), "let down", and "too late" are awesome songs. and "walking in circles, "morning after"(although, i love the underworld soundtrack version) "in the darkness" ,"condemned" and "inside of me" are good fillers...i wouldnt say these are bad...but they are either overproduced, trying too hard, etc. "end of the world" is the chester version of "hands held high" on LP's Minutes to Midnight.

its quite obvious for anyone who is an LP fan and who has read interview with chester in it from the past couple years (it would also help to read any interview about out of ashes) which he said it's about his divorce, getting remarried, and sobriety. he also said that "give me your name" was originally recorded as the first dance song at his wedding.

don't you love seeing one of your favorite rock stars grow in front of your eyes? one moment he's yelling "im about to break!" at you all angry, looking like a devil worshiper, the next he singing about how you remind him of the ocean.

funny how times have changed.

i saw a little movie called sicko

2009-09-25T17:33:00.005-05:00

it's a movie everyone should see if you want to understand the healthcare debate more. its a documentary by the producer and director of fahrenheit 9/11 micheal moore. i got very furious when i learned how health care was really run in this country. people are turned down left and right for reasons so ridiculous that it even makes our former president look smart. no one deserves the type of treatment by our insurance companies, who turns down claims for coverage as life threatening as a brain tumor and as stupid as a yeast infection. universal healthcare seems to be the way to go. our government makes universal healthcare out to be this fearful socialist thing. like "omg it's socialist. socialism leads to facism and facism leads to communism. we aint no commie country!" BS. our whole country is runned by socialism. we pay for our post office, library, firefighters, police all with what? our TAXES. why not health care? i'll tell you one thing: i'd rather have taxes raised for universal healthcare then for going to war (a war which shouldn't have happened in the first place). our government is soo good at scaring the citizens into thinking things that are not true.
exhibit a: the H1N1 virus aka the pandemic that'll end the human race.
i have taken enough psychology classes to know that if someone of authority (the government) says the H1N1 virus is deadly enough times then one will believe it since no one is active enough to look at the facts, which is it's a strain of flu that no one has seen before. get it? a STRAIN OF THE FLU. so while everyone is washing their hands like an OCD maniac, im sitting here wondering, when this gets off the news will anyone still wash their hands?

the same is said for universal healthcare...."omg if you have universal healthcare you'll have to wait months to get a checkup/surgery/whatever" well according to sicko, that is pure fiction. you will have to wait just minutes to get a check up with no fee whatsoever. and in london, they even pay YOU for the transportation fees to get to the hospital.

we don't have to let families drown in medical debt, we can have universal healthcare. it's not that hard we just have to do it. and make those republicans admit their mistake.

thats it for now...if you have an opinion about healthcare leave a comment

a girl i used to know moved

2009-09-20T10:21:00.002-05:00

yup she moved back to her country and she wrote this huge spiel on her facebook explaining why. she basically said in her "omg look how good i write" note that she's going back because americans are so materialistic. she didn't say that but thats how she came across. she's such a spiritualist you see, she reached a point in her life where nothing matters but her "humanitarian work". um right, it was humanitarian of you to not return my messages after you contacted me after that fake apology that your mother probably made you do?

im so sick of girls like her who make themselves out to be this good person when they are not. this "look at me i go to sunday school, i helped build a shelter, ect" attitude is so disgusting to me. especially when they dont know what it means to be spiritual. spirituality is not about how much humanitarian work you do. its how many people you can reach.

enough ranting, im excited all my shows are coming back this week. finally i wont have to rely on friends reruns to keep me entertained.

i think i may be slipping a little on my diet and exercise, i have been working out but not as much as i would like to. i am losing weight but not the right way. im stressed out and im not eating right because of that, im stressed about my mom, money, not so much school, but how am i going to move?

im getting inspired a lot more and i have been writing more poetry.

A Worker Who Works Is Never A Sin

a hole to dig my shallow grave
a cold wind for this hollow cave
my heart beats in lonely beats
as girls whisper with their rushing feet
a cry alone wonders if i should die
who will remember i?
alone am i within
a worker who works is never a sin.

kanye melted down??? say it aint so!

2009-09-16T12:42:00.003-05:00

i originally wasnt even going to watch the VMA's cuz of the major suckage in music this year. the best out of the mediocre won awards. forget the songs videos are major SUCK this year as well...why did beyonce (i like her shes very talented) win a video for a dance? that dance was a craze but WHY??? and even though i love eminem...i didnt know why he won either....that video wasnt even that good...i mean sure he makes fun out of everyone, but its repetitive. it's stuff like this that remind me why i listen to linkin park and maroon 5. no one has originality anymore, maybe lady gaga i did appreciate her performance at the VMA's. and pinks performance too as you can see i love circus acts. some people call lady gaga crazy, i applaud her for daring to be different and avant garde. some people may call pink a bitch, i applaud her for not being anyone else but herself.
thats my review of the VMA's .........OH! i forgot one thing.
kanye's meltdown.
WTF was this guy thinking? this was the first award of the night...taylor swift won. and kanye comes up onstage taking the mic off of her hand while giving her speech... and says "all i got to say is beyonce has the best videos of all time" beyonce looked embarrassed and when kanye gave the mic back to taylor she looked like she was about to cry. it was an incredible douchy thing for him to do. does this guy have NO class in him? MUST he whine everytime he doesnt win an award or in this case, when someone who he WANTED to win? i
i NEVER liked this guy...he was always a douche to me...never humble, thought he is the greatest rapper of all time (none of his music is 100% original btw).....guess what karma is a beeyotch...he is going to get his. taylor is a classy lady in handling the situation...she performed right after that.

i also heard that he apologized im sure it was half assed...thats what everyone told me at least. i refuse to mention his name any further since he is clearly getting what he wants now. maybe kanye should change his name to spencer pratt. then they could fight about who is the bigger douchebag.

what are we playing for rich?....well drew its a NEW CAR!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-09-03T11:00:00.004-05:00

yeah thats right a got a car...its used not new..its a 2005 toyota corolla and its got 63,000 miles on it. and it runs so awesomely. probably the best thing that happened to me in a while.

well classes at good old parkside started...im taking public speaking and retaking my math class.
im still going to cardinal stritch full time so i can get my degree faster.
my mom is doing fine she's getting better by the day. i wish she knew how much im doing for her...i dont know when i'll be moving out of here but im pretty sure it'll be before january.

and look...i really am a hippie well according to blogthings i am

You are a Hippie

You are a total hippie. While you may not wear Birkenstocks or smell of incense, you have the soul of a hippie.

You don't trust authority, and you do as you please. You're willing to take a stand, even when what you believe isn't popular.

You like to experiment with ideas, lifestyles, and different subcultures.

You always gravitate toward what's radical and subversive. Normal, mainstream culture doesn't really resonate with you.

Are You a Hippie?

Blogthings: Quizzes and Tests and Memes, Oh My!

well thats all i have for now....i'll come back later with pics from the kenosha car show!

p.s this is hilarious...gotta love keith

another post in one week.....eh why not?

2009-08-26T12:28:00.002-05:00

this week has been full of downs....all downs and no ups. and im not talking about the stuff the went on this blog either....i've just been very down lately....a lot family issues going on...im not going to talk about it because its way too personal...i already revealed whats been going on with my mom anyways. i've got into a car accident the day after my last day at work...my car is wrecked and we had to junk it because there was too much damage. so i have no car right now...i am looking for one....right now we're trying to sell the house...we got a cleaner and lawn mowers to keep the house in shape and looking neat.... because of how the market is right now the house needs to be in pristine condition.

i havent talked about a lot of issues going on in the country here lately so here's my thing on healthcare.
i dont care what we get right now as long as its better than what we currently have. republicans should shut the hell up about "death panels" and crap like that. sarah palin should just stick her alaskan ass back in russia with her idiotic comments....i honestly would've left the country had mcain died in office. having that dumb bimbo in office makes me lose even the littlest faith i did have for this country.
people honestly should shut the hell up and let obama do his job....i think he's doing a good job in cleaning up. bush better run and hide for the rest of his pathetic life along with cheney...because they both messed this country up so bad we've forgotten what its like to have good leadership and we may never recover from their actions.

thats it for now....i'll put some photography and more poetry up when i get the chance. till then....

its late ......so here it goes

2009-08-25T01:38:00.003-05:00

one of my biggest passions in life is to write....anyone who knows me will know this. i write on this blog to escape...and sometimes i rant (which i always forget to edit out) but honestly i dont mean anything i say on those rants and i clearly did offend someone on here. i get hot headed at times and i dont think straight. so im sorry for that. the reason im apologizing is that there are a lot of people that who've seen me but do not actually know me. and that is partly my fault because i keep a guard up. there are some comments that actually hurt me and i have not told anyone about it except for one person...i know those comments that were made were made out of anger...and they were made out of anger cause i had an angry post....but believe me im not an angry person....i just had a really bad day.again i dont mean to say anything to hurt anyone. the reason i vent here and not anywhere else is that i can't vent anywhere else. that blog was made a while ago too...back when my stress level was at its highest.i just dont want anyone to think badly of me just from that one post.
im a hippy so i love everyone, and everything....okay maybe i kill bugs...but i do meditate....and i do not wish bad anyone.

let me entertain you

2009-08-19T15:33:00.008-05:00

wow another season gone just like that....there were good times and some not so good times this summer. but i had fun this summer working at the awesome show called showstoppin at six flags this year. every year our department, the entertainment department, holds an annual EIE awards party....its kinda like the oscars but instead of best actress, its best team player and so i had such a great time with great people.

he's a sweetheart..

we both have the same birthday!!!!

we were supposed to work together last year.....but everyone got fired or quit so that didnt happen

love her...she's one of my favorite people...i went to school with her.

he won for best grand music hall person or whatever....james is the BEST dancer i've ever seen!!!! NO LIE! the guys in the back is the rest of the show stoppin cast

dont really know everyone here too well except for the two girls on the right and left

ahhh rachael.....she's the most amazing supervisor i had last year....i forgot to take a pic of my supervisor this year...megan...she's pretty awesome as well.

I worked with these guys this year

i worked with her last year

she's just someone i run into all the time

i really mean it when i say james is the best dancer i've ever seen. people who know me would know that ive been performing onstage (on and off) since i was seven. this includes singing, dancing and acting. i have seen my share of talented people....but honestly the showstoppin cast is the most talented bunch i have ever met. those guys are going to do great things....i hope they remember me when they become famous.

i dont wanna fall back in

2009-08-01T13:32:00.002-05:00

im trying so hard not to fall back into a deep depressed state i was in for most of my late teens. it was incredibly hard for me to get out of that mind set and even harder not to go back because of all the craziness that's happening. its also hard to stay positive when u know the reality of the situation. i keep everything inside only to yell at a family member who doesn't deserve it. who can i yell at? i can't yell at amanda at work who accused me of doing nothing while there is stuff to be done. i can't yell at megan, my supervisor who won't give me a day off unless i switch with someone because she "can't have one host working the theater" (i say too damn bad because i did it all the time at picto last year, once with no tech at all for one show) no one wants to hear me bitch and moan. im sick of this. now my mom is back in the ER again because of severe stomach cramps, she's probably gonna have a colonscopy. the stress is insane im expected to do everything and im not able to. i have a number of projects due by the end of the month, my mom is a ticking time bomb, and im going nuts.

i have written a song about a guy i can't have though.
it's called "someone you already knew"
Someone You Already Knew
chorus

do you try to make me feel this way?
do you know what you to do me when you're away?
i feel so helpless cause there's nothing to do
you're in love with someone you already knew

verse 1
She probably knows who you are
front to back
side to side
in and out
but does she really know what you're all about?
I know that you're fun quirky and smart?
but do you really want to be with a real pop tart?
I'm the one you and and boy that's for sure
she's all that you want but I can give more.

chorus
oh its nothing she loves you
oh its nothing, and boy i know its true
you're happy and she does you no harm
you have that wit that soul that charm
oh i know it, you love her its true
oh i know it they all love you too
go ahead make her day
you know her better anyway

chorus
you're in love with someone you already knew
oh you're in love with someone you already knew
in love with someone you already knew.

nice right? im thinking of christina aguilera's "candyman" mixed with maroon 5's "until your over me" for the music. and christina aguilera singing it of course.
well that's it for now

im stuck in the apartment laundry room,...

2009-07-20T15:45:00.003-05:00

so my mom had a scare the other day....she had chest pains and she had to be rushed to the hospital. my aunt says had my brother (who came to visit) not come at that time they would've called an ambulance. my mom had to be rushed to the ER. where they did a lot of tests on her till night. advocate christ has the biggest trauma center and it is one of the best in the state. so that maybe why my aunt says there was a lot of people in there so many in fact there couldnt be more than one visitor per room. my mom is fine now...the doctors think it was pancreatitis i dont know if i spelled that right. probably not since the spell check says it's wrong. anyways she has imflammation of the pancreas. it could be caused by anything. doctors say it could be the water pills she was taking. so they're taking her off of the water pills for now. so now im here in palos hills (i drove here by myself btw) i go back tomorrow. where i have my night class....yay fun.

ahhh well thats it for now...leave a comment for feedback i wanna know how im doing on my blog.

i never gave a proper goodbye

2009-07-05T17:21:00.002-05:00

i want to give a proper goodbye to michael jackson....since i didnt really give him one in my last blog.
i knew a lot of people who idolized michael. but i never realized how many lives he changed until after his death. i remember watching some of his videos in the 90's with awe. scream and black and white were a few. his dance moves were so intricate that it took people weeks, months and sometimes years to master. and they still couldn't do it like him. this man was the definition of pop.
he crossed all genres of music from r&b to heavy metal.
a man with his kind of talent comes around once in a lifetime. i believe he was a very loving man who never had a childhood of his own. which is why i think he hung around kids a lot.
i honestly feel bad for not appreciating the work he has done while he was living. now he is immortal through his music.

goodbye michael may your stay in heaven be much better than your time on earth.

if anger's a gift then i guess ive been blessed......

2009-06-25T20:23:00.002-05:00

wow so much to talk about.....the past couple of weeks have been crazy....my class for one, is done and over with....i have a break for about a couple weeks before my next class. i think i did pretty well. i've changed positions at my job, i am back to being a theater attendent at grand music hall. its a lot easier than picto thats for sure.... and lastly....and more importantly.....the family member i was telling u guys about last time is now in the hospital in oak lawn, IL (near chicago). well here's what happened: my mom had an appointment the day after my bday at the hospital. it was supposed to be a sort of check up to see what her chest pains were all about....they think it has something to do with the heart.....see she had a heart surgery back in '01 so they think its complications from the surgery. however she was asked to do a walking test she had to stop five times during the entire walk. and they found her oxygen intake was about 85% at rest........which is really bad.....so they had to take her in as an in patient. for about a week she was taking tests to see what's the problem.....the doctor (who's amazing) said that its most likely a lung pressure issue. so they did a heart catheder on her to see if there was anything wrong with the heart....they found nothing wrong.....so then they took an xray of her chest and found there was an unsually high amount of pressure on her chest. so then the docs (the lung specialist, cardiac doc, and her assistant) perscribed a drug that costs $500,000 a year that would make the pressure go away in six months. the insurance, which is the hospital's insurance, (i forgot to mention my dad works there as well) rejected at first but it seems that the nurses fought for it to be done so now it looks like she's going to be taking it. we (me and my bro) have to get training on it.....because it's kind of like an IV. we already know how to do it but we have to do it again because insurance is paying them to train us three times. so we are in the hospital right now because she had a scare. in the meanwhile me and my bro are looking after the house. and my aunt is coming from india to help us look after her. life is so crazy and stressful right now.....i havent gotten a proper workout in two weeks. i either gained some weight or lost it....i cant tell. all i know is my back hurts....from being stressed or not having good posture. i think it may be both.

today we also mourn the loss of two great icons....farrah fawcet of charlie's angels fame and the prince of pop michael jackson.
i found it rather disgusting that people talked ill of michael because of his past. the past is irrelevant, he's a pop icon and changed the face of music at the time.

well there is nothing else to report.

oh yeah transformers 2 rocked!

keep it locked up INSIDE!!!

2009-05-31T23:38:00.003-05:00

i like your advice chester, but seriously, its self destructing. well im not going to lie someone in my family is not doing very well health wise. this person doesnt want to get better and thinks medication is going to make them better. what they dont realize is that they're going to be on this medication for the rest of their life. its really frustrating because me and the rest of my family are fighting tooth and nail for her even though she doesnt want to. its like she's forfieting the game before it even started. she doesnt want to do all the things that it takes for her to live better because it's hard. it's adding to all the pressure i already have from everyone else. im seriously going to explode. i cant explode on anyone in my family cause i get yelled at even more. im so sick of the constant headaches i keep having on the back of my f-king head. i know its from stress. i cant cry cause if i cry im seen as weak. i work out to keep my sanity, its the only way to clear my head (and blogging of course)
plus i see people i used to be friends with back in the day on facebook, its nice to know that most of them havent changed one bit. i really wish i could be friends with some of them again, but they're too much of an asshole for me to be friends with them again. i honestly couldn't believe this one chick i knew from my old dancing days had the nerve to apologize to me for all the mean things she did and when i wanted to talk to her again....she had the NERVE to pretend i didn't exist! she didn't mean a word she said to me! her SISTER is a better human being than she is! funny thing is she preachs how much of a good person she is by going to sunday school and posting all this religous bullshit. the case is the same with all those chicks (with a couple of exceptions) who bullied me. they all pretend they did nothing wrong and they're the most self righteous people in the world. they will never know how much hurt i had to go through. i still remember as clear as day all the vicious rumors they spread, how they left me out of everything/singled me out, i will NEVER forget the lonliness i felt, i will NEVER forget the feeling of pretending that i didnt exist.
the one thing i want is to have them go through the same hell i did. because they just simply don't know what kind of hell they put me through and they dont know how much they damaged me. but they also dont know is how much stronger i am because of it.

back to reality

2009-05-27T10:53:00.003-05:00

i just came back from visiting my cousin in kansas city. i had fun...we played halo 3, watched battle at the smithsonian at the AMC's fork and dine experience. (we had dinner beforehand, so we just had a dessert), we had a nice drive to the lake, and we went to Legends in village west. but all the stores were closing when we went there. in between all that we basically went grocery shopping, so my mom would cook food, so we didnt have to go out to dinner all the time. speaking of going out we went to this great authentic italian restuarant called buca di peppo's. it was amazing. the restuarant's theme was "mama's house". it was filled with pictures of family, and home decor. when u come in (or when ur table is ready) the hostess takes u through the place, where u could easily get lost in, and introduces you to the servers and waiters before u get to ur table. im pretty sure this is part of the "family" feel they were going for. so when the waiter/ess comes to your table you already know the people. the portions that were given were huge. everything that was served is meant to be shared. there were five of us and we got the buca large and that was a mistake cause it was HUGE. we got alferedo supremo and salmon pesto. both were fantastic. and for dessert we got double layer chocolate cake. which was amazing. (dont worry i did an indoor workout the next day) so all i have to say is olive garden got pwn'd!

here are my latest batch of pictures that i took in grand rapids. also available here ...i'll upload my other ones later

so give me reason to prove me wrong.......

2009-05-19T16:53:00.002-05:00

new divide premiered yesterday...at first i thought it was "what i've done part 2"....but ive heard it three times now and it really did "prove me wrong" . i get chills when chester sings mostly acapella towards the end. the song is perfect for transformers 2. not that ive seen it or anything it just seems like it would go with the theme of the movie. there was this guy trentreznor on LP message boards....if that really is Trent Reznor from NIN , im really suprised. that guy is super critical on "new" bands , which is bands that came after his. but from what i saw quoted on this hater on the message boards Trent said that MTM had a lack of concept. as a album, yes i'd agree. seems like this guy is a fan though because when i thought about it Hybrid Theory and Meteora flowed better as an album rather than MTM did. that is assuming trentreznor is in fact Trent Reznor. maybe he was on there cause he was flattered on how LP covered "wish". look it up on youtube its freakin brilliant. or maybe he was pissed. .....again assuming that was actually him.

so im really bored as u can see...working out regularly....trying to call entertainment dept to confirm my start date. my bro is out of town...so im going to the gym by myself. ugh its so boring...here i want to go to my best friends place...but she's going to thereapy every other day...all the rest of my friends are outta here...and the one friend i did have wasnt a friend at all....i do have people i can talk to on this little place i call the internet. its refreshing.

oh and angels and demons sucked. tom hanks saved that movie from becoming a flop.

yay twitter!

2009-05-11T23:06:00.003-05:00

so as i mentioned in my last post, i got a twitter account. since then i have been twittering like nuts. chester (from LP) has replied TWICE! i couldnt believe it the first time he did, and i still couldnt believe he did the second time. you can see his twitter here. and you could also view and follow me on here so other than that news, im almost done with classes just one more exam to take. gotta get ready to send my transcripts into cardinal stritch as soon as grades are posted. im also doing pretty good with my new workout. im losing all the fat around my stomach and gaining muscle. which is what i want. less fat more muscle. im upping my cardio to 25 min each workout instead of 20...and i just do circuit training which is a combo of cardio and weight lifting. so nothing real interesting going on in my life.....unless u find it interesting....if so then good for u.

so onto a topic: well lets see, theres music, nope done that, politics: done that, entertainment: done that....what else?
ahh here's one....hippy liberals
normally i would get offended if someone would say that to me, but i say go ahead call me that...i believe in peace not war...i walk around barefooted most of the time around my house....i have long hair...i DID have a tye dye shirt, i have no idea where it is now....i believe in loving all people no matter who they love, and most of all i believe we are all one.....i know thats a really hippy way of thinking but thats who i am. and no im not a stoner (read my 4/20 blog).

so its getting late...i'll post whenever i come up with something better......and maybe post some pics (i know i keep saying that...but i'll do it eventually)...so for now...c ya!

okay this'll be short

2009-05-04T13:03:00.002-05:00

sorry, im not going to post my signature long blog. im gonna try and make this one short. the reason im not posting here so much is because i got a twitter (www.twitter.com/supriyahearts), so i post mini blogs through out the day. i also found out the chester from LP just got one. isnt that just awesome or what? all i need is adam levine to get one, then my life would be complete. lol. so most of my exams will be done this week. so i'll be done with that. im switching schools this year i'll be going to cardinal stritch this year, i dont know what i'll do after that. maybe get a marketing degree. i went to grand rapids last weekend. my family has friends they wanted to visit there. i played with kids the entire time, i was really bored. i'll put up pics when i can*sighs* life gets more and more complicated as you get older kids.

im out.

so......

2009-04-25T11:18:00.002-05:00

here's the story, sometimes i cant stand people. there is a couple people in particular; have you ever had anyone who is so stubborn and frustrating to deal with that you just cant stand but you have no choice but to deal with them? thats the situation im in right now. i cant stand this person but i cant just let them sit there and be like that. its frustrating because i couldve had a great relationship with this person if they're willing to change their ways. but they wont and they always play the victim card and they keep pointing fingers instead pointing the finger at themselves. its tiring and im getting white hairs over it. i cant stand them complaining all the time, or ask for help when they can do it themselves and yell at me if im not doing it right. its super draining and on top of that they wonder why im so negatively, well why dont you look in the mirror? i wake up every morning with pain in my neck and shoulders and i know its because of stress.

and those f-ing idiots at six flags hasnt called me yet, i dont get it. EVERYONE who ive worked with last year has gotten a call and gotten some sort of promotion, and these guys havent even worked a full season. ive worked for two seasons and got NO promotion. f-ing politics i tell you. just because im not bright or talkative as the rest of those idiots who work there. im sorry im not going to flirt with the supervisor, which is what everyone else does, to get a promotion. im much better than that stupid shit. if i get a job back there again, it'll be my last season. im so sick of everyone trying to walk all over me at that stupid job, im so sick of f-ing teenagers as supervisors thinking they are the shit because they have more power than everyone. im so sick of the whole operation. and thank god that place is running itself to the ground. good riddance i say.

4/20 party on man.......

2009-04-20T10:09:00.002-05:00

today is the stoners holiday, the day adolf hilter committed suicide, the day of the tragic columbine shootings, and it is also my BFF's bday.

i never got what the meaning of this day was until four or five years ago; which kind of reminds me why i never took any drugs. i still dont know why i didnt. i honestly want to try weed just to see what the big deal is. there are a lot of people that do weed in my town, they grow plants in their backyard, about five years ago there was this guy that got caught for growing a weed garden, not too far from where i live. so yeah weed is easily accessible here. its not like i want to be a low life with a bunch of stoners, and accomplish nothing in my life. ive already been told i will never be anything great, i'll be a failure. so why not? i know quite a few stoners, they're actually pretty intelligient if they go to class, they could probably get a 4.0 GPA.

as probably many of you may or may not know, i go to adrianne curry's blog a lot. i read and comment (and gotten responses from her). she covers a lot of interesting topics.
well here is a response on one of her blogs she wrote about god and religion:
god to me, is very real; the god i believe in is from no book, or religion. god doesnt make things happen, WE make things happen to us. so i wish people would stop blaming god for OUR actions and START blaming OURSELVES. god gave us freewill for a reason, to say why does god not stop rape, war, or poverty, is like saying why i cant i win the lottery? WE have to make that happen. it is quite obvious that god did not put us on this planet so we can live in euphoria for the rest of our lives. WE have to make that euphoria happen, and i wish that people would stop using science to disprove god, and start using science to find god. religion was this idea that people followed because they believed it led them to god. it started to become a problem when people thought that their religion or god was better than theirs, and it became a bigger problem when people started using religion as the foundation of their government. i dont have a problem with people following their faith; i only have a problem when people start putting forcing their beliefs on me (this includes the government). i have my own belief system i follow, and i dont expect anyone to follow it.

with that said....happy 4/20 stoners.

what are friends?

2009-04-02T20:16:00.003-05:00

well, its been a while since i blogged. ive been so busy seeing my dad and mom in IL and my cousin is coming to visit in a week. i also have a paper and a test in business to prepare for, so yeah ive been busy. i need to see noodles more often, its so hard cause she's hardly ever online, and my mom has my phone. ugh. a lot of my parent's friends (other than my godmother) ask me why dont i have any friends that are indians? there are plenty of reasons for this, although it all adds up to one thing: they are ALL spoiled little stuck up brats. although i've met a couple of exceptions, that is the majority of them. i used to go to this sunday school WAY back when i still lived in MI, and everyone was indian. my mom (and sometimes dad) used to drop me and my brother off and the second the session was done we used to run to my mom's car. we both couldn't STAND anyone there. i also used to go to this indian dance class when i was younger and i HATED it. i HATED everything about it. im sorry i HIGHLY DISLIKE it. the teacher didnt like me, nor did any of the kids. i was a tomboy (still am) and everyone was a girly girl, i just didnt fit in. instead i stuck out like a sore thumb in a bad way. i was constantly criticized for every little thing i did wrong, my mom did nothing about it. my dad accused my teacher for giving other girls special treatment (which she was clearly doing) and denied it of course. i used to love dance, i nearly hated it after that bitch. besides my family and people i consider family, i never trusted indians after that. it's hard for me to trust people in general, i was bullied for so long i have to put my guard up. ive been an outcast for so long it kinda gets tiring after a while when you dont get noticed anywhere. im determined to make people notice me. the good thing that came out of this is that you can ridicule me and criticize me all you want, and i can take it like a man. if u say something really mean, its gonna hurt me for about a few seconds then i'll get over it. ive developed a thick skin over the years and thats something no one can take away from me. however, those that were "supposed" friends of mine would probably laugh at me like they always did, but i could careless, because u never cared for me and never will. thats why i only have a FEW close friends that i openly talk to and share my secrets with. i constantly get scrutinized by my dad because i dont have many friends, i have friends i just dont want to get close with them. i mean why should i? *sighs* i really wish i had bf now. at least i would have someone to talk to besides my bff and my bro.

nooooooo.....its almost over!

2009-03-20T10:16:00.005-05:00

so im back from chicago, it was fun. great food, great places. didnt go downtown though which sucked but parking is a bitch down there. i love the chi. i would go back in a heart beat. i came back on wednesday and now spring break is almost done and i have to get started on some work. i have to get started on my interviews for business and i have to finish up my poem for poetry. i have some pictures below.
sometimes i find my life to be so frustrating. one family member wants to leave and never come back (although they've been saying that for the last five years). one family member wants to pretend we're still one big happy family. and im going "we have never been a happy family!" im getting gray hairs because of this. im only 19! i should technically be "doing something better with my life" because apparently all 19 year olds know what they want to do for the rest of their lives. its so frustrating because i feel all alone. i feel like no one understands what im going through. its a freaking miracle that i havent done any drugs yet.

seriously anyone who's ever been through what i have has
a) OD'd
b)cut themselves
or c) seen a therapist.
i have done none of the above. my dad is like "oh none of you make me happy so im just going stay at my apartment till i get what i expect from all of you" crap. all because i said "being a scientist isnt the only type of intelligence that you can have". im so sick of trying to defend myself everytime. okay so no, im not the scientist like you are, you dont have to call me dumb for that. what kind of close mindedness is that? just because people dont think like you do doesnt mean they're not any smarter than you are. yeah i failed at chemistry, so what? so did half the students in my class. why? because i went to a ARTS school. where it is known for theater and music. i didnt get accepted anywhere else because i am not a good test taker. never have been , never will be. i got an average score for my ACTS and i dont want to graduate from a major university, i dont. whats the point of spending a lot of money going to a school thats really well known when u can learn the same stuff at a local school thats not really well known for a different price? thats like going to a betsy johnson store and spending $600 on the same dress that you could buy at goodwill for $6. or a stripper at a high end club (like i would know) its dumb and not financially savvy.

ugh im so tired of going through the same motions with people who dont seem to get (or ever will get) where im coming from.

im so tired of dealing with the same issues over and over again like its groundhogs day.

im tired of working out and dieting and not seeing results. (instead of losing weight, im gaining weight).

im tired of crying over things i cant control.

im tired of the paul walker poster, that i keep forgeting to take down in my room.

im so tired...

im tired of being unhappy period.

ah spring break

2009-03-15T13:27:00.003-05:00

so im finally on spring break, guess where i am?
guess where i am.
no not in cancun
wrong again.
im not in panama city
nope.
give up?
im in...drum roll please.....chicago!!!
in my dad's apt with my mom and my brother!!!
yeah im lame, i know. but i barely go to chicago anymore, and i forgot how much i miss it. hell ive practically lived here for the past 10 years! i barely ever go to the city. its so much more diverse then kenosha. i have a wonderful field picture i took at twilight, that i'll show when i get back on wednesday. i was thinking about how much of a tomboy i was growing up. i mean yeah i played with dolls, but at the same time i knew so much (and played) sports than any other girl my age and from the sixth grade onwards i wore nothing but jeans. only wear make up on special occasions, and now i work out like crazy. wow im an adrianne curry. only im more mellow.

im gonna buy her book when it comes out, im sure she has a lot of interesting stories to tell about her reality tv gigs and her life in general. i look up to her because she reminds me of a much harder me (minus the drugs) about two-three years ago. but most of all she overcame a lot hardships because she has the drive to do anything and everything she wants. if she can do it so can i. im not going into the entertainment industry because its hard to succeed there. epecially nowadays no matter how talented you are, you got to have connections and luck, and be willing to sell your soul and dignity. im not that type of person. thats why you'll never see me in a reality show.

im a hardass at times , just ask my family. but i would NEVER let anyone talk shit about them or me. my family and my close friends mean a lot to me, they would do anything for me. i have a hard head and im stubborn, and you dont wanna be around me when you catch me in a bad mood, believe me. i can be a real asshole at times, and hard to deal with, but thats me being a human. we all have good and bad days. and its up to us what we do with it.
anyways, ive always been a midwestern girl thats never gonna change, always had this mouth that gets me in trouble, but ive always loved everyone who cares about me. even if im a hard ass. they're always there.

so to all of you guys, even you who is reading this, thanks for putting up with my bullshit.

flavor of the year

2009-03-06T11:12:00.003-06:00

as an indian i would like to say i am so upset that slumdog millionaire won for best picture at the oscars. why? anyone who knows bollywood would know movies like slumdog are made every year in bollywood. . it only got the attention it did because it was......wait for it.......directed by a WHITE guy. i didnt want to play the race card, but im playing it anyways. Lagaan shouldve won best foreign film at the oscars for its year, but it didnt. and that was a MUCH better plot than slumdog. thats because no one ever takes bollywood seriously. sure, the movies are known for its unlogical plots and belly dancing songs, but every year there are movies that are (if not better) like slumdog. and they are worth watching, im so pissed off that people make fun of the cast as well. you're making fun of people of my culture, you're making fun of me. what i really hate the most is that bollywood is becoming this trend in hollywood. watch people are going to be wearing saris on the red carpet soon. its not a trendy thing for me, its life. i live in my culture everyday, and i absolutely hate the fact that hollywood is explioting MY culture.
on related news, i was at my dad's apartment the other day, and i was watching trivial pursuit and there was this guy that claimed he was the doppleganger of, the king of bollywood, shahrukh khan (SRK). first of all, except for the cheekbones, he looked nothing like the guy: he was too short, looked mexican, and his hair was brown and he was tan. in case you dont know how shahrukh looks like just look below. and if u seen the trivial pursuit episode i was talking about, you know what i mean. well i guess thats all for now. i'll write later this weekend, after i study for my psych test, and write my ballad for poetry of course, till then.......

so no one told u life was gonna be this way........

2009-02-27T13:15:00.002-06:00

i dont watch the new not only because its boring and depressing, its repetitive. who wants to hear about octomom for the millionth time? im also really sick of hearing another bank spending OUR tax dollars to give bonuses and vacations to the people who fucked up. im also really sick of hearing the economy is in crisis. no shit sherlock. its been in crisis for the past three to four years you didnt report about it then did u? most of all im really sick of hearing that obama will save us. as ive said before realistically, it will take a decade if that, to get us all out of the shit hole bush dug us in. its almost like no one even cares for the hard working people like my dad, and noodle's dad. they care about heidi and spencer though. those asshats dont deserve a bit of my attention. i dont even watch that show, yeah thats what little girls ahould look up to, those uneducated blonde/brunette bimbos that think the only problems in the world revolve around what they have is with their boyfriend/ex boyfriend or the girl who used to date her boyfriend or the girl who used to be her friend and girl who supposedly spread rumors about you. im sorry you could go to any high school in america and find the same drama. it also pisses me off for people to say that those girls are so beautiful, when theyre so ugly on the inside.

speaking about beauty, what the hell is beautiful? real women inside and out are beautiful anymore? having natural curves isnt beautiful anymore? having a natural face isnt beautiful anymore? being thin naturally isnt beautiful anymore? ugh it just bothers me to see that men have such high expectations for women, cuz when they see the women in the sports illustrated swimsuit edition cover, they think oh ow thats a beautiful woman, when you look closer at the picture you can see that the girl's arm is the same size as her legs. and they pose in such ways so you dont see their bones that are popping out of their body. ugh disgusting if u ask me. and hollywood is so thin that i saw on E! news (yes one of the few times i watch) this person who wrote this book, called the "other side of hollywood" or something like that, said that celebs often lie when tell how they get thin. which dooesnt surprise me one bit. they go to extremes even getting prescriptions that are supposedly for ADD but they're for dieting. hey i know one thing that can help you to lose weight, eat healthy and excercise. well im one to talk since i ate taco bell and a bunch of other stuff today. (what? my mom was supposed to be back two hours ago)

anyways enough of me ranting.......i have enough to worry about. so i'll post another blog about some thing soon till then.....

i told u i'd be doing this more often.

2009-02-22T10:16:00.002-06:00

so i know my last post was a little spur of the moment, but i couldnt help it. that was one disturbing picture, if chris really did do that to rihanna (which it looks like he did) next time i see him he'll be getting a taste of his own medicine. that shit is horrible. anyways enough about that. i constantly find myself listening to songs from two or three years ago, the new songs i did listen to are from duffy, who is awesome, and from shinedown (thanks noodles), no new hindi songs, except from dostana, which i really like. even though i still find "desi girl" really annoying. but its the same with any britney song, its so annoying that you somehow find yourself singing it a week later. listening to all my LP and M5 songs i came to realization that no band since these two has had as much success (jonas brothers doesnt count) or has made as good music. im so disappointed with todays music, with a only a couple of exceptional bands like paramore and 3 days grace. i only like indie stuff now like The Like, and Rock Kills Kid. i REALLY liked sara bareilles, before she went mainstream. she used to be a you oughta know artist on VH1 before she was big and i saw her open for M5 at AllState back in'07. i thought she was amazing, she had a lot of soul in what she did. now it seems like shes part of the whole mainstream act. people think that LP did the same thing, they were underground before they hit it big with "in the end" but i think they're success kinda speaks itself doesnt it? and no they're not sell outs, selling out is losing who are as a band and making music that people you think want and from the interviews and chats ive read they're happy with MTM. and they wanted to make something different too, who wants to hear another meteora or hybrid theory? i do too, but they wanted to prove something and if you cant respect that then maybe you shouldnt be a fan.
so M5 is also in the studio too, did i ever tell you how close LP and M5 follow each other? i swear they practically have the same gigs within days of each other. they even recorded with the same producer on their last albums. in the same place! weird if i ask me. so anyways on M5's homepage it says their in the studio, so LP and M5 are in the studio at the same time AGAIN! but M5 hasnt said anything about studio time or rehearsals or about possible songs. unlike LP where mike let us know about the music he's been making. cant wait for both albums. and i cant wait for chesters solo project, from what ive read and seen, its going to be all rock.

enough about music im wanna talk about a radio me and my brother listen to, his name is christoher reburn, and he talks about a lot of spiritual stuff, if your into that type of thing u can go to blogtalkradio.com and type in reburn in the search box, and just click on christopher reburn. im a very spiritual person, religion has been as JT says"dead and gone" for so many years to me. my mom hates that i wont pray with her or do anything religious with her anymore. and we get into fights because of it. come to think about it, we fight over everything.

as far as school goes i got done with my poem for poetry class, its really good i'll post it when i can. i also got done with my business exam, it went really well. so thats it for now till then......

rihanna and chris brown update.

2009-02-20T19:56:00.004-06:00

as i previously expressed in my blogs, i dont care too much about these two but when you come across a picture like the one below, you cant ignore it. hey chris i got a message for you: you messed with the wrong girl. you do realize she's part of jay-z's crew? do u know what happened to the last guy who messed with his crew? yeah im talking about ja rule. he doesnt have much of a career now does he? now i dont like TMZ, i personally think that they're jobless idiots, but i heard that they're pretty reliable when it comes to documents and pictures. and another thing chris: you just lost of my respect, and a lot of your fans too. good luck trying to redeem your career now u piece of shit.

everything is bullshit.

2009-02-15T13:35:00.002-06:00

yup thats right i said it, everything and everybody is bullshit. i feel that everyone is ganging up on me for no reason. i was just playing halo 3 with my brothers friend and my cousin and my brother, we were all on teams, and i was teamed up with my brother's friend. well my brother and my cousin thought it would be funny to team up and kill me all the time because it would be easier. once i knew what theyre little game was i got pissed, then i walked off. i cant take this kind of bullshit anymore. I CANT! im so mad at them right now. for once i would like to be good at one thing, and i cant. i just cant. i try to get better and its hard because they get better too. i want to just quit everything while im at it. now i know how noodles feels when she wanted to kill herself. cause i feel my life is worthless at times. i cant play anything, i cant do anything. i fail anything i try. and now im a failure. have been and always will be, i will never be anything good even if i tried. i dont have any goals, i feel that im not gonna be good in business, cause i suck at that. i suck at math, and science. i suck at EVERYTHING. sometimes i wonder where that little girl who used to be so ambitious and who wanted to try new things went. i used to have so many dreams when i was a kid and now i know that i cant do anything. im gonna die alone, not be anything , collecting tax payers money as i live off of welfare. im gonna be no one, nothing good. i suddenly feel sorry for the woman with the octuplets, cause she had no one motivating her as a child. as im writing this with tears rolling down my face, i cant help but wonder if i die now will anyone remember me?

ahh doing a post at school

2009-02-12T13:18:00.003-06:00

so its been awhile since my last post. im gonna try and post more often. so i just finished my first psych exam, a little harder than i expected but it was okay. did any of u see the grammys? i did. well some of it at least, i skipped all the parts with miley, the jo blows, and taylor swift. so M5 got robbed this year, so did Jason Mraz i mean seriously, John Mayer has enough grammys. But im glad Duffy and Adele got grammys cause they deserved it.
sooo in other news, LP is working on their new album i cant wait to hear that, Mike says its gonna be a mix of the old and new stuff. and can you believe what chris brown did to rihanna? normally i wouldnt talk about these two, cause i could care less about them but what ive heard is that chris brown beat rihanna up! (about time someone did too), now let me just say that i hate domestic violence and that chris brown aint a man for hitting a girl. but chris you hit the wrong girl! you shouldve hit miley! lol. yeah his career is OVER. i used to think he was a nice guy but damn just when you had everything figured out.....BAM! shit like this comes at you. and i HATE rihanna but i feel bad for her, poor thing, i really hope she gets out of that thing called a "relationship"
did u see how much the lady with the octupulets looks like a cracked out fatter version of angelina jolie? and her babies??? my god they look like they're about to die any second! that woman is more delusional than courtney love. and courtney love has a serious case of personality delusional cracked out disorder.

im so sore from working out, ive also helped my dad move into his new apartment in oak lawn,IL. since he works there and all, and my mom is helping him settle in this week. yeah and my bro and i got the house to ourselves till friday. so thats it for now, im gonna post more pics up when i can (or when i feel like it) so buh bye.

i know im lazy

2009-02-02T20:47:00.004-06:00

so whats been up? my classes are going well so far, the quizzes ive had are not hard at all. worst case scenario: C- final grade. what else is going on, well noodles was feeling very isolated and vulnerable, so she didnt talk to me for a week. it wasnt me it was just a mix of her therapy and stuff. if u wanna know more then read her blog. i havent been taking any pictures lately cause i havent felt inspired. i cant pursue being a real photographer, cause 1. im an amateur and 2. i dont think im THAT good. sure the marker picture was good, (or the "flowers of markers" as my godmom calls it) but i cant come up with those every time. i would love to print some of my pics and put them on my walls, replacing my old posters. speaking of posters i need to find and LP poster.

on to my next topic: things that irk me.
my brother mentioned this on his blog; about people coming into this country, and just completely dissing it. ive seen this not too long ago, people coming from afar because they cannot get opportunities like we have her in the US , in their country. yet they go on dissing it saying "why should we learn about your history? , its so unfair!" ummm because you're LIVING IN IT DUMBASS. have some respect for the people that are actual citizens of this country, we may not be as smart, as healthy, a a greater economy (yes i do realize its the whole global economy thats in a meltdown) as you do. but when you come into our country and say those things, be careful who you say them too.
and my god do i HATE people especially, conservative christians, and just religious fanatics in general. just because you're book says that gays shouldnt be together, doesnt mean they wont. im in a generation where gays come out when they're in high school, maybe even younger than that. i knew a lot of gays, and even found out that a childhood friend of mine was gay a while back. i was even in a play with a gay guy. gays are no different than us, they are human beings. they do not like it when they're being discriminated against, yes im talking about gay marriage. it IS discriminatory if your not letting people do a thing, or an action (such as marriage) because of their race, gender and/or sexual orientation. that is my own definition, so dont go looking it up and say "thats not what it says". after being around bisexuals and gays, i know this: you cant choose who you love, its just a feeling you cant control. and no im not gay, im as straight as a boat.
adrianne curry decided to start her own religion "the church of aslan" go to her myspace blog or look it up. and while your at it look up "the church of the flying spaghetti monster". these are satiric views on religion. i didnt join these churches simply because i have my own belief system. im not a non believer, but im not a book reader either (book meaning holy book). i just consider myself a very spiritual person. i do like the churches though (the church of aslan, and flying spaghetti monster). but i do believe in a god. just not the god written in the holy books. and those who believe in that, good for you but please dont impose your views on me or i'll feed you to adrianne.
well thats all for now till next time.........

my unpopular opinons

2009-01-17T18:55:00.002-06:00

i started this list on my last post, which included my opinions on kanye, britney, angelina, and more.
here are some non celeb opinions:
i dont think there should be a black history month, yes you heard me right. it has been shoved down my throat since second grade. now before you call me a racist just hear me out: i think that we should give other cultures a chance to celebrate there own "black history month" hey if it wasnt for Ghandi there wouldnt be a MLK day. black history month is taught and celebrated at schools all over the country. why not show all the other cultures that make the united states so unique?

i dont like politics. never have never will, but when i voted i didnt vote for obama. however since he is going to be in office i think if he surrounds himself with the right people he will do fine, though he will be tested and i can see him being either triumphant or being a epic failure. but he is a smart man, im sure he wont let us go lower than we already are.

MTV should change their name to RTV for reality television and make MTV Hits their major network. i mean at least VH1 has videos early in the morning and late at night.

and a few more from what i put in the original thread on the M5 boards:

*madonna, please retire. you know your time is up when your inducted into the rock and roll hall of fame.

*TLC IS the best girl group to come out of the 90's, even better than destiny's child.

*i fear for the next generation's alternative rock crowd, cause they think their music is actually good. although paramore isnt bad at all.

*chester bennington (did i spell that right?) of linkin park has got to be the best rock singer to come out of this decade. no one else sings like this guy and you cant believe it when you hear him live.

*rock kills kid is the best indie find, one day they're gonna play for a soundtrack for a movie and they'll be huge. to you can view their myspace here

last but defintely not the least...
*American Idol is nothing but a fixed reality popularity contest, there i said it

i'll probably post new photography pictures up soon in my next post. till then....

im baaccckk

2009-01-07T20:32:00.006-06:00

from vacation, its been fun hanging with my favorite cousin for ten days. we ate good food, ice skated, played "buzz" and "guitar hero II" at his best friends place (my bro beat us at both), played lots of "halo 3" (my bro is undefeated, but i almost beat him one time), we saw "the curious case of benjamin button" (its really good, the only thing i have against it is that its too long although you dont even notice its been that long), went shopping i finally got my Linkin Park shirt i always wanted from Hot Topic ( a gift from my cousin), and i bought my brother and cousin clothes from the Nike store, i got myself i pair of workout pants WITH pockets and a workout shirt. we also went to Nebraska Furniture Market (which is the biggest furniture i ever seen btw) and i even got my own camera. look..

first picture going down: my cousin, me trying to put on ice skates (hey it was hard and trying to walk in them was harder), one of my photography pics, the scene was just so beautiful, and the last one is my fav pic ever.

and those are just a few. thats my vacation in a nutshell, i'll upload my parents pics from their trip to india, and boy are they good.

someone had this thread on the M5 message board on unpopular music opinions, well mine are just unpopular opinions in general (well some are at least) here's what i wrote on there:

*angelina is NOT a good person (just google in decean herald and angelina and you'll see what i mean) she can adopt all the babies and fly over to help refugees all she wants it still isnt going to change my mind about her AND she is an overrated actress,

*brad pitt is a fantastic actor (just see curious case of benjamin button, fight club and seven) so is the late heath ledger, will smith, denzel washington, tom hanks, and johnny depp and few more i cant think of right now

*i agree with Nas and say that hip hop is dead, well GOOD hip hop is dead at least.

*kanye west needs to shut the hell up, he is not gods gift to rap. his music is a 7 at best.

*old school rock is pure gold, but some current rock is good you just have know where to look

*john mayer is a ladies man, his music is not as good as it used to be. even though i do love his guitar licks.

*i dont think people will ever take britney seriously

*christina has an amazing voice one of the best in this decade

*jessica simpson needs to go away along with miley cyrus and anything associated with disney.

*i want scripted sitcoms to make a comeback. instead of this reality (though im guilty of watching some myself) bullshit

*rihanna is overrated she cant sing worth shit, way overexposed, and is not good looking whatsoever.

*alicia keyes is probably the best soul singer to come out of this decade

*im afraid that M5 might lose its edge because of the constant change in music, its the edge that made SAJ so great, there was very little "edge" if at all in IWBSBL.

*a little prediction of mine thats probably not a far out prediction but adam will have his own solo career, depending where he wants it to go, it'll probably be successful.

*miley cyrus, and the rest of the disney clan need to act their own age

*bollywood needs to stop plagerizing music, but that wont ever happen

well i'll put more photography pics and vacation pics up as soon as i can, hey i need to think of a photographer name so i can put it on my tags. if u can think of one leave a comment. till then....

here i am again!

2008-12-20T11:50:00.005-06:00

well finals are done and over with *sigh of relief*. this whole semester was a whirlwind of craziness for me. hell this year is almost done, and only half of it was crazy. *another sigh* well im going to my cousin's for xmas and new years. its going to be fun (hopefully) since my cousin is the most boring person you'll ever meet. you can see from his blogs how boring he is lol. oh yeah here in kenosha we got an incredible amount of snow....14 inches!!!!!! on top of that our snowblower is a piece of shit. it only works with an electric starter and even with that it'll take a while to start. it took me and my brother a total of two and half hours to clear our entire driveway. i would show you pictures, but i didnt buy a camera yet. in the mean time here are some other pics to look at. as always they are all originals:
that last one was taken in my room, (i know that coulve been better) well until next time.....

been a long time......

2008-12-05T20:05:00.002-06:00

ha ha i was just thinking of "try again" by aaliyah when i was putting in my title for this blog. well, my parents have gone out of the country to india, so me and my brother have the house to ourselves for three weeks before we go to kansas to visit my cousin, naveen. my parents are so paranoid that they keep calling us every 12 hours, i get that they miss us and all but come on. the semester is almost over (thank god) and i couldnt be happier. my chemistry class is a pain in the ass. seriously i have bruises on my ass from sitting down and studying for so long (and still doing bad on the tests). oh and did i mention that i was getting white hairs from the stress? cause i am. the photography is going great i'll upload pictures as soon as i can. since the comp has reformated because a new trojan virus attacked my antispyware and i (well by "i" i mean my brother) had to reformat everything. it was my fault that i forgot to update, but he said that the comp needs to reformat every couple of years so it wasnt all my fault. i did save everything on a external hard drive so as soon as i find where my brother kept it i'll put the pics up. i am also currently looking for a digital camera of my own. since my parents took the camera for the india trip im stuck without it. how am i going to live u ask? just by editing more of old pictures. oh yeah, my BFF noodles got a new car, so the pressure is on for me to get one. i'll probably do what she did and get one from a car auction. i look at it now and realize i need a lot of things: car, camera, boyfriend, ect. ugh im such a late bloomer on everything. on a unrelated note, my brother broke the violet angel that my godmother gave to me, he said he was stretching and he accidently knocked it off the wall and broke its wings. ugh. not to mention he also tried passing the tv remote to me and it slipped out of his hands and it hit the side of my upper lip. i think the remote must've somehow cut my gums in a way cause i started bleeding. my brother was like "oh my god!" and almost puked at the sight of blood (seriously, he's supposed be in the medical field, but claims that in physical therapy you don't deal with blood). im fine now a little swelling beneath my lip. at first it felt so tight that i thought i was janice dickinson putting collagen into her lips. yes an ANTM reference once again, and yes im so glad that the girl from illinois (mckey) won! she was the best one in my opinion. that show along with some other reality shows, like rock of love charm school and other VH1 celebreality shows are seriously guilty pleasures of mine. i can talk rock of love charm school too, but i wont take up the space. i'll just say this: lacey is a manipulative psychotic bitch and jessica was a sweetheart. i think i'll wrap it up for now, and i'll get you those pictures next time.
till next time....

i wrote a song

2008-11-06T09:45:00.004-06:00

it was during my free hours at school.

it has sort of an evanesence feel to it. i dont know if this is a song that LP can pull off, i sound like i have been writing songs to artists forever, but i havent. i actually dont write too many songs. and i dont get paid to (although i wish i did) write songs for artists. and yes i do know that LP and evanesence (as far as i know) write their own songs. but one can dream cant they?

My Own Worst Enemy
(acapella soft)
I feel so trapped beneath me with this pain
Lunging around me like an open cave
I don't think this will ever mend
This could all be coming to an end

(cue drums, and guitars)

Please stop pretending that Im not there
Please stop pretending that you dont care
because its not fair
that you left me here all alone
in the dark where it's so cold
and when I lie on my bed
I taste the tears that I shed
When I sleep its nothing but you in my dreams
and I hold my breath so I cannot scream

Chorus
Why dont you walk away like you always do?
Why dont you run around me because I wont move.
Now I see
You are not who I'd thought you be
My own worst enemy

verse 2
I loved you for so long
I prayed for you so you could belong
but you couldnt see the sacrifice that I made
I was in pain, couldnt breathe couldn't make a sound
Lying here helplessly on the ground.
and its now that you realize that you need me around.

Oh I wish I could turn back time
so you could see that your mistakes werent mine

chorus 2x

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh
I tried and I cried
All those years and all those times I've wasted on you
You still can't look me in the eye and tell me the truth.
Now I know who you are, and thats not what I want to be
My Own Worst Enemy
My Own Worst Enemy

You didnt catch me when fell
Now you put me in this hell
I want to blame this all on you
but in the end, its all my fault.

and I tried and I cried
All those years and all those times I've wasted on you
You still can't look me in the eye and tell me the truth.
Now I know who you are, and thats not what I want to be
My Own Worst Enemy

You're not you I thought you'd be
My own worst enemy.
songwriter: Supriya

well thats it....leave some feedback. i'll post something regular next week.

i know its been forever

2008-10-28T12:03:00.002-05:00

i know, i havent posted in a while, ive been busy and my best friend was in the hospital. today's topic is about religion and spirituality. i havent always been a fan of religion. im was raised a hindu and i hated the way that things were taught to me. "fear god supriya" thats what was basically told to me my entire life. i went to a damn sunday school that taught me this crap. what they said was basically "you dont love god/religion/ect, if you dont pray everyday, take bath and go to the place of worship" and i was like "but doesnt god love everyone?" and they wouldnt answer me. i believe in somethings of my religion, like that we all reincarnate after we die. that there is life after death. there is a god, or a higher being. i believe in prayer, but i don't believe in asking god for things that we did to ourselves. here's what i dont believe (any religion): i don't believe that god "says" things in whatever book or scripture the religion is based on. i dont believe that doing ritual religious things will get you closer to god. what bugs me the most is when people pray, do pooja or whatever ritual thing they do, go to the temple or church, and not knowing WHY they do it. "oh i do it for my family" or "i do it cause i've been doing it my whole life" the point of religion is to have some sort of order in society. back in the day when the US was still colonizing, most of the orders and laws were religion based, and it still is religion based ("in trust of god" on our money, "one nation under god" in our pledge of alligience and swearing to tell the truth on the bible in court, ect). its clear that religion has done major damage to the world and i think we shouldn't have any religion. i say let's be spiritual. let's go and meditate for about an half hour, that'll be our ritual. lets go pray and LISTEN to the god that we know and love since god is one. that would be our sunday mass. if we all did that, there would be no war, there would be no disagreements, there would just be love and happiness. i know i sounded like i smoked some weed, but seriously we should ban religion. there would be much chaos, but the change would be for the better.

in other news, AIG is planning to use 10% of the 700 billion dollars bailout to use for get this.........BONUSES! if they do this...it'll be the last straw. im telling you we are very very very close to revolt. and before you know it, it'll be like the "shadow of the day" video. where everyone is going rioting, going nuts against the government. this country is in a very deep hole and it will be a very long time till we get out. not obama, not mcain, not palin (to hell with her and her maverick) and not biden, can stop what is going to happen to this country. as the awesome adrianne curry says "we're seeing the fall of rome people"

so long for now, i gotta get ready for class and i have to turn in a appeal to the parkside police dept. ugh. i hope it goes well.

obama a terrorist? and other things

2008-10-11T23:15:00.003-05:00

wtf? just because his family is from Kenya and they are african muslims....they are terrorists??
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sIgv992NZs0
i just saw this video on adrianne curry's myspace blog (check it out, if you havent already) that shows how ignorant people are. the annotations are hilarious though.

anywho...today was more relaxing....although i should be studying my chemistry and math stuff...i was taking a day's break from it. my diet and excercise is going well....i cut down my chocolate intake and pushing myself harder in the gym.

ive noticed i havent gone on to my fav bands message board(s) a whole lot anymore, well thats because of school....its taking over....dun dun DUN. i just found out that Adam L was in a PSA for voting "5 Friends" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0vtHwWReGU0 he's on 1:30....i usually find out about these things on the boards, but since i look at them probably twice a week now, I found out about this through another fellow blogger and a friend of mine when she posted the video on myspace. although i do keep up with mike shinoda's blog (kick ass blog, btw), through my follower's feed. i dont know much about the band except that LP would be working on a new album soon and that they had to cancel a number of shows due to chester's back injury (man! the guy keeps getting hurt doesnt he?)

and on TV...i love my shows...the big bang theory, how i met your mother, pushing daisies, private practice, grey's anatomy, my name is earl, and a new show i found during the summer: burn notice (KICK ASS). and unscripted television: i have my beloved antm. which had a cycle 10 rerun today. whitney won that cycle, which most people (including me) think is a publicity stunt done by tyra and co. since she would be the first plussie winner of the series. i didnt care who won in that cycle to be honest as long as it wasnt dominque or fatima. as both were the bitches. whitney may have come across as fake to some but since her response to me on facebook seemed genuine. shes all real. this cycle i could see mckey or majorie winning it. though i wouldnt put it pass tyra to make sheena the winner, being an asian, it would make her "the asian winner". sam is just getting too annoying and since that judgemental bitch clark is gone it seems though as if its back to modeling. but with lauren brie's departure and ty's reason was because of....wait for it......PERSONALITY. what kind of bs is that? LB had real couture like pics and one bad photo made her gone. i guess as a veteran antm watcher i should've known that tyrant liked to kick off "boring personalities" to only make room for "rainbow spewing" saliesha's. one thing tyrant, those "boring personalities" become ....guess what? TOP MODELS! look at mollie sue and elyse...both have said to either "lack passion" or have "boring personalities" but with that boring personality, mollie sue got a.....you guessed it....VOGUE SPREAD. and elyse is .....you guessed it again...HUGE in asia. people called alice berdue, winner (thats right, WINNER) of AusNTM (australias next top model) a "boring personality" but her high fashion look, got her walking for all the big names in the business, an ad for D&G and two...TWO VOGUE COVERS....and many more to come. so i ask this miss tyra, does personality count? cause to be a top model...doesnt look like you need one. unless ur naomi.

so thats it. for now....at least. i'll talk about spirituality and why i dont believe in religion next time. :)

so lets talk about stuff... REAL stuff.

2008-09-28T12:24:00.002-05:00

sorry i havent been able to post lately i had a chem exam that i was studying my ass off for. (if i get less than i B: prepare for an angry blog). i saw Eagle Eye yesterday it was very good B+ to an A- movie, it'll be worth your money to watch it. im going on a diet now. im usually a pretty healthy eater in the day, but in the night i just pig out on junk. which i have to stop. i excercise regularly, so working out is not a problem, just the diet needs a little work. its not like "omg is soooooo fat i need to work out three hours a day in the gym" i think im fine but there's some areas i need to work on. my brother is a physical fitness and rehabilitation major and researched everything that i need to do in order to lose those extra pounds. im hoping for 135 by the end of the year. since january i have gained a LOT of muscle. and maybe lost a couple of pounds. i KNOW that i lost i couple of inches off my waist, cause i see it. and my ass is getting more toned. so i know its muscle im gaining and not fat. but to lose that flab i still see, i need to eat healthier that i am eating now.

okay enough talking about me, lets talk about politics. REAL politics. so i was watching the debates on saturday? or friday?...whatever day i was watching it. and it seems to me that both of them don't have what it takes to lead this country. John Mcain is just old. he's so old that he could die in office and Sarah Palin would be president. let me tell you something. I would leave the country and head somewhere other than Canada (cuz they're as f-ed up as us) cuz i dont want HER leading our country. Making abortion illegal even in cases of rape and incest? is she F-ING kidding me?? and supposedly she also wants to ban gay marriage and put them in church to "un-gay" them. i am not gay but, i know a lot of gay people, and they are some of the nicest people i have ever met. and this is the F-ING 21st century! you cannot control who you love! other than that issue, if John Mcain were president, we are still going to be in war for YEARS. and if he wants to draft me, he's gonna have to drag me from my nails. i have the upmost respect for the soldiers that are serving in Iraq, but i do not want to go and KILL INNOCENT people in a COUNTRY that we had NO BUSINESS going into anyway! This war is so f-ed up! we should've came back YEARS AGO. but no BUSH wanted to stay, because he gets f-ing bullied by people who really wants to control this country. and look people Mcain is the guy that voted for Bush and i quote "90 percent of the time". 90 percent! do we want more of the same (and probably worse)?

now i know what you're thinking "Vote Obama!" no.... thats not what im saying. Obama is not going to be the saint that everyone thinks he's going to be. Truth is he is not experienced enough to lead. Yes, he took leadership for many different roles for many different groups, but thats not the same as leading a COUNTRY. It makes me feel slightly better that he has Biden by his side. a man with a lot of experience. Obama says he'll give tax breaks to the middle class and he says he'll make the education better in this country and he says he'll focus more on the environement and he says he'll bring the troops home. notice anything? everything starts with "he says" but what will he DO? the first Bush said we wont have new taxes. well happened with that? Bill Clinton said he didn't have sex with Monica, what happened with that? George W Bush said we'll be out of Iraq soon (back in '03) what happened with that? How can you be so sure (Obama supporters) that he'll do everything he says? Just because he says so doesnt mean he'll do so.

What do I think? Mcain or Obama, I think we're f-ed either way. its gonna take more than four years to repair what Bush has done to this country.

ugh i hate rain

2008-09-13T12:35:00.003-05:00

doesnt the rain depress you? im a sunshine type of girl, i love the sun and warm weather. i know i shouldnt be living in the midwest. this type of weather makes me not wanna go out anywhere, but its weird cause at the same time the rain makes the colors pop out a lot more. and it makes for good pictures.

i have poems too. lots of them i wrote back in high school. writing these poems to be honest, kept me sane.

here are a couple:

December Nights
I cant believe what you said to me.
You always hit my heart in a place I can no longer feel.
My body is rigid and I hardly know whats real.
And as I walk out into the chilly air I realize that I am not the same anymore.
He screams at me , even though deep inside I know he is right I scream right back at him.
It goes nowhere and I tried my hardest not to cry but I do anyways.
And I dont need anymore scars to my heart.
So, I'll just sit here and wait till the tears stop.
I can hear the wind howling telling my that I cant cry, not now
These December nights are the hardest.
It wasn't like it used to be
Where I was so excited now, its hard for me to keep a smile on my face.
And these tears dry, I wonder why am I feeling this way?
This night ain't gonna get any brighter.
So I might as well stay and watch the wind blow on this December night.

My Crying Soul
My soul cries beneath my eyes.
From when those tears drown in my sorrow
Crying and praying out in the cold .
I am so alone
My soul is dying, because you keep trying to bring me down
My heart is sinking and I keep on thinking why would she?
Everyday I am drained from you
Everyday I get so much crap from you
I am keeping my cool, day by day oh what should I do?
When you look at me, you don't even bother looking at my eyes, my crying soul inside
What have I done to you?
What have I done to make you act so cold?
I cry within my soul because I can't cry anywhere else
I pray to God every single day that I don't do anything stupid to myself.
Why, oh why?
I am so lost within myself, I don't even know who I am anymore.
What's taken over me?
This demon you created, you know it's killing me.
I am lost , and I am crying within myself.
I am trying to forget who you are
And I would love it if you would just leave me alone.

I realize how emo these are, Ive written these at a time of my life where I was alone and isolated from people. I was also listening to a lot of Evanesence too. You can see these and more of my poems on http://www.maroonedangel.deviantart.com/ and www.myspace.com/inncntangel.

and now pics.....when i can get them up that is.....LOL.

the world and politics

2008-09-02T12:45:00.003-05:00

i watch "america's next top model" and i am addicted to it as much as the next teenage girl is. i DO believe most of the reality tv out there is either scripted or highly edited to make for good television. a good example of scripted reality is MTV's "The Hills", if you didn't know that show was scripted you're either 1) really dumb 2) never seen "The Hills" or 3) don't watch TV. i watch antm because it's a guilty pleasure and its fun to watch a bunch of skinny chicks cause drama to each other while trying to achieve the dream of being Americas. Next. Top. Model. yes i do know that a (real) model's career only lasts until they are 22. or if you been on the show it only lasts you the 15 minutes you're off the show. dont get me wrong im not on here to make fun of it (which is making this really hard to do btw) im here to talk about the issues with that show and slowly get into politics.

antm is a fun show, 13-14 aspiring models live under one roof as each week they do a photoshoot/commerical/whatever it is that week (mostly its a photoshoot), and are judged by the egoistic Tyra Banks, fashion photographer, Nigel Douchebag oops i mean Barker, Runway Diva coach extroridinare, Miss Jay Alexander, and 90's supermodel, Paulina Pouriskova (dont know if i spelled that right).

this show USED to be about modeling, as in the first season where my girl Adrianne won. what did she(or as she says "didnt") get? a revlon contract, a fashion spread in Marie Claire magazine and representation from Wilhimena (dont know if i spelled that right either) modeling agency. but she soared above and beyond; being the face of Merit Diamonds:the Sirena collection with a commerical. which is huge for any model. she continues to model for diamonds, not by Merit. but this was the first year. after that she stopped getting calls. and wrote a nasty letter (which she later highly regretted) to Tyra and Tyra responded by not associating her with the show. the cycles 8 and 9, Adrianne was not in the opening credits and in cycle 10 she was not on the winners wall in the house. Although during the reunion show to launch cycle ten on her talk show, Tyra (or her people) supposedly called Adrianne (she mentions this on her radio talk show btw) saying to be a part of this reunion, they supposedly told her that they would apologize to her. Adrianne asked if this would be on the air (or something like that) they said no. and she refused the invitation. I would too. but in the reunion they did mention Adrianne as the winner of cycle one for a split second.

Now going into it's 11th cycle, why is this show so huge ? everyone knows the formula for successful reality television by now

skinny girls + 1 house + 1 (maybe 2) bitch + 1 goal (whether its getting Bret Micheals or being America's Next Top Model) = great tv

now im not here to talk about the show im here to talk about the problem: why be a hypocrite?

okay so everyone knows in season 10 plussie Whitney Thompson won. Although many people claim that this was Tyra's push for a healthier industry and runner up size 0 Anya Kop shouldve won, I thought it was a great choice. Most people end up losing weight anyways after being on the show.

My question is WHY???

there was this article i read on someone who tried out for ANTM and got rejected because.....wait for it.......SHE WAS TOO BIG! this girl was a size 4! and they wanted her to be a "loose size two". thats like loosing 20-25lbs on a already skinny girl! WTF????? she said she was already getting modelling jobs before antm scouts wanted to recruite her. what i want to know is WTF is wrong with a size 4 model? so they dont want a girl that looks healthy in a magazine where lots of young girls will read? i dont get it! why do they pick such skinny models, to pose in underwear for Seventeen? and then have whitney thompson pose in it and look just as good. for ONE ISSUE! (ironically, this is the same magazine, thats one of the prizes in antm)

when is the industry going to realize that its the clothes that matter not the models. healthy is the modelling world is fat. it affects a girls self esteem, it really does and those who say that it doesnt are lying. successful models like, gemma, gisele, and adriana. are all stick skinny with no shape to their body whatsoever. Im sorry, I would rather have some shape to me then starve and have no shape at all. and to those girls that get offended and say "ive had this so called 'starving body' since i could remember, there is nothing you could do about it." um right. see there is this thing called metabolism. and it slows down as you get older. i know cause when i was younger i used to be so skinny people called me anorexic. then when puberty hit and i gained around 25-30lbs. thats why models have short careers.

the way beauty is portrayed nowadays; almost 75% of it, is not even real. some time back i saw a segment on good morning america. on how people alter photographs to make them look "hot". there was this video by dove (you could probably look it up on youtube) on how they do their pictures for a billboard. just the amount of altering just disgusted me. your favorite actress/actor, probably looks like crap in real life because of the amount of make up that is put on them.

i could rant on for days on this subject. but i'll just leave it at this.....is the beauty industry responsible for many of the women that get eating disorders and/or undergo liposuctions every year?

you decide

so.....

2008-08-27T20:16:00.006-05:00

its been a while since i wrote my last post (which i constantly check btw) so here's an update:

ive ended my season over at the job, and i spent most of this week moving crap all over the place. (okay my brother and his friend did most of the work but i think i had a significant role in the whole process) and i also been looking at books for my classes. oooohhhh note: i have to sell my old ones. im going to wait for the syllabus before i get my books (as always) and see if i actally NEED a book for the class. hey last time i didnt even get the psych book and i ended up with a B? or C? dont remember but it was a decent grade. although i do want to get my GPA up this year so im gonna (or try to) work hard. anyways by this time next year im gonna (or should) be out of the house. i have to talk to noodles about being roomies if she's gonna to milwaukee. my last day at work was a sad one since i left kristin (being the only girl) alone at our unit. she's cool as were jimmy and james p. even davey,ceasar, and justin (all who got fired) were really cool. and even josh a, even when he was a little anal to everyone. he was still pretty cool. god im gonna miss doing parade, even me being the ice cream truck and being squeezed in with tweety where there is literally no leg room. but jimmy of course loves it because two days a week he gets to ride the ice cream truck all f-ing day handing out popsicles backstage (code for employee areas) to people. wtf? i love that guy but WTF???? he gets paid for eight hours doing that? im mean seriously WTF???????????? i love that place i mean the people i work with not my job at times.

ugh enough about my work and more of the pics i promised you guys.

so i'll post when more interesting stuff happens in my life (lol)....till then stay tuned.

i know its late but....

2008-08-19T18:10:00.013-05:00

here's my review of projekt revolution 2008.

ahhh east troy, wi. not only is it in the middle of nowhere it doesnt have any directions to the f-ing ampitheater! come on! one of the biggest bands in the world are headlining and they couldnt give any signs leading to the place!? my brother and i spent six minutes driving around east troy to find this theater until we stopped to ask someone in a gas station. so when we finally get to the place, it was 3:50ish and we left around 2:15, it took us an hour to get there, but close to ten minutes searching the place.

so, the place was packed. we parked on the lawn. (keep in mind that i never went to any sort of music festival before, this was my first one) and we walked towards the security place where they checked our bags and stuff, while we were walking i notice tailgating parties and mini grills on the back of peoples trucks. girls in bikini tops and shirtless guys drinking beer and playing loud "points of authority" by linkin park out of their car. my mother would've freaked out if she saw this scene. so, we (which is me and my brother) were waiting in the security line when this woman and her group in front of us started yelling at the people that were checking bags. supposedly someone told them that they could bring in a bottled water, they responded that they were out of cups to pour the water in. and they told them "you need to change your website" and they responded "you need to change your attitude" i wanted to LOL but i couldnt since the people looked clearly upset. i mean seriously its not their fault they ran out of cups, you shouldve came here earlier.

so after we got our bags checked and headed to the revolution stage where 10 years was performing. now this is the band i wanted to see, but i only got to see them performing their last two songs, i only know one song of theirs and thats "beautiful" (thanks for that song noodles) which they played last?? im not sure. but i do know one thing: the lead vocalist can SING. they shocked the hell out of me. his voice freaking blew me away. and at the end of the first song i saw them sing he was like "these (mosh) pits are crazy! the girls arent fooling around they're moshing like a bunch of dudes!" im like "yeah i know girls like that, real hard rockers. dont mess around with them" i was in the back, away from the mosh pit and stage but i could see just fine. here's a pic of 10 years, its not the greatest picture in the world but its something

next up is atreyu, now normally i dont like screamo bands but this band had something different about them. was it the fact that they had two singers? or was it the fact that the one song (dont remember was it was called) cussed a lot on the chorus? i dont know. but what i do know is that this band had a lot of energy, and im pretty sure they were feeding off of the crowd cause the crowd loved them. i do know one song which is called "falling down", i really liked that one and it was really good live.

now the set is done and we head to the theater and people were checking the tickets, and i panic a liitle because i couldnt find my ticket, so i started checking everywhere; the bag i was carrying, my pockets, and i eventually found it in my left back pocket. that seriously scared me because i thought i lost my ticket for a second and i thought i wasn't going to see LP, which is what my brother and i were there for. so my brother went inside and found our seats (which werent bad btw, but i wish i couldve been closer) and we saw street drum corps playing: loved the drums hated the singer. seriously i was mesmorized by the drumming but i couldnt stand the singing. i was bored by their performance (singing wise)

then ashes divide was up and i was excited cause i wanted to see an actual band play, not that street drum corps wasnt an actual band but maybe i got confused since mike (shinoda) said that they were "like the blue man group of drumming". these guys were good, but they didnt blow me away like 10 years did. i got excited because the frontman said "how many of you know the movie "the outsiders"?" i , along with hundreds of people,was like "YEAH!" although i havent seen the movie or read the book since seventh grade. then he was like "now how many of you have read the book?" and a few other people, along with me and my brother, were like "YEAH!" now i dont know what he said, perhaps someone could correct me, but i think he said something along the lines of "you are a bunch of illiterate motherf-ers" or "literate motherf-ers" my brother thinks he said "literate motherf-ers" which is good, cause if he said illiterate i wouldve kicked his ass somehow. so they were playing a song called "the outsider" which chester bennington of linkin park supposedly came out and played with them on. i didnt see him or maybe he was there and i didnt recognize him.

oh yeah and all the while ashes divide were playing some (probably drunk off her ass) old 35+ looking lady was dancing like she was "totally jamming out man" it was hilarious.

so after ashes divide ended their set (and which they said they were going to sign t*ts at the musicforelief booth) the bravery came on.

the bravery was an okay band, not really consistant with their songs. but their was one song that stuck to me and my brother and that was "every word from your mouth is like a knife in my ear" why did it stick you ask? well it wouldnt have stuck if they hadnt explained what it was about before they played it. this is what they said and i quote "this song is about someone who manipulates others by scaring them" my brother and i just laughed our asses off because it reminded us of our mom, who did the exact same thing to us when we were younger. so that was funny.

when chris cornell came on the whole theater was nearly packed, now me and my brother didnt listen to any chris cornell nor did we want to, but he really impressed me. chester came out and sang "hunger strike" with chris. and the crowd went nuts. but when chris sang his last song (i think) "black hole sun" it was amazing that whole crowd was singing along, it was great.

and now for the band of the night, and the band that shined over the others: linkin park

okay so, they took forever setting up. but who cares? when street drum corps came out doing their drum thing in the beginning and started doing the beat to "no more sorrow" me and my brother went nuts because i wanted to hear that song live so badly. and then after they left and brad (the guitarist) came out to do his sweet intro solo. and i am sorry you havent heard that song until you heard it live. it was the perfect song to start off the set. i sang the words to every song and screamed until i couldnt anymore. i was really impressed by chester and mike's stage presence. they took control of the stage and brought out amazing energy that no other band did before them. chester walked and jumped around so that even the people on the lawn could see him. his voice is phenomenal and no other singer today can top what he's done on that stage. mike shinoda's jay-z like flows are so smooth it blended so well with the acapella version of "hands held high" he did only the first verse and chorus before jumping straight into "crawling" . which chris cornell (who suprised me) came out and did the second verse. i know that in the live version of "crawling" the "so insecure" part in sung by the crowd but chester didn't let us sing it this time, he sang it. which is cool, i like it either way. this set was filled with favorites like breaking the habit, which the ending was chester doing the chorus acapella, which was amazing and the song that made them "in the end".

they had two encore breaks: one after "one step closer" (which i went crazy on btw) and "faint".

after one step closer people thought they were done were leaving, i told my brother not to go because i heard they do encores. so we stayed and sure enough joe hahn (turntablist) comes out and does "cure for the itch", which for those of you who dont know its an instrumental where mr.hahn does all his scratching on, that was awesome. and after that was "what ive done" where chester messed up his lyrics. but hey i dont blame him, the guys have been on the road for the last three months you're gonna forget things. the next song was "faint" which chester and mike still amazed me.

then there was another break, once again i told my brother not to leave even though he thought they were taking the set down. but it turns out that they were setting up for robs drum solo for "bleed it out" now if you just seen this guy drum on youtube or live in texas. you got to see him actually LIVE, he is so freaking fast on the drums, totally amazed me. then after that the rest of the band came out. chester and mike came out with blonde wigs. mike looking like bret micheals and chester looking like axel rose. and said "you can't take yourself too seriously" then chester just started singing "sweet child of mine" and later mashed it up (or as mike said it "badly mashed up) with "bleed it out" which was the last song of the night.

to sum it all up.....the bands before LP were cool, but LP f-ing owned. it was worth the money and if you havent seen projekt revolution do it now. you'll have a great time.

me and my brother (pic below)

now i do have videos, but they arent any good. but this guy has some great footage of the concert

this is the end of robs solo, the cover of sweet child of mine and bleed it out

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FrG9pX7q7QA

this is part 2 of that

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fDtt1gdO38E

this guy had the best crawling video feat chris cornell and there is the hands held high that mike did in the beginning.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WLcJAd9Im1k

same guy with the sweet child of mine videos
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TPp6vlllQJo

some random stuff

2008-08-13T12:16:00.004-05:00

so im going to projekt revolution in about three days (so excited) the band im seeing is linkin park (of course), im gonna give u all the pics and video i can get. they said this was their last tour (with the exception of the china concert) before they head back into the studio for another album. its the same with maroon 5, a band im not seeing on tour this summer due to the fact that i had to choose between PR and CC/M5. i obviously chose PR because i already seen M5 live (they are great live btw), i also didnt want to see the counting crows. i know the counting crows good and all, but i dont want to see them live. although i was debating on the fact that i would be able to see sara barellies live again. when i saw her at the allstate arena when she was touring with M5 in the fall, this was before "love song" was a big hit, and i remember thinking that this girl was going to be huge. her voice was just phenonemal and i highly regret not meeting her after she done her set since the hives came on afterwards sucked so bad. you seriously couldnt understand the words they were saying it was just plain noise to me. i sat down most of the time during their set.

alright enough about music lets switch gears and talk about a hobby of mine. which is photography.

i got into photography about a couple of years ago. its been a hobby of mine ever since. i just like taking pictures of beautiful, weird, out-there things for the heck of it. my dad says he wants to print some of them out and frame them on the walls of our house. i honestly didnt realize i was any good. and heres a couple of pics ive taken and edited.

well i hope that impressed you, if it didnt then screw you. lol i'll post more up later.

sit around boys and girls

2008-08-03T20:27:00.000-05:00

todays topic is stupid people. i have a lot of work related "stupid people" stories to tell. i work in a amusement park (im not going to tell the name until im done for the season, people who know me, know where i work), and i have come to the conclusion that people lose all common sense when they come into the park. i worked as a host in theaters for two seasons and i can tell you that people can be unbelievably rude. last year i worked at this live stunt show, although the show was forgettable the things that happened to me and my coworkers there werent. this theater was more of an amphitheater, so it was outdoors. normally this venue was used for concerts (i worked at the concert last year for the plain white t's, i got to meet tom), but they decided to try something new and make it a live stunt show well the problem with that was it was an outdoor theater in chicago. where the weather is unpredictable. all the time. so on the days it rained, all of us had to go outside from our little break room trailer and tell people that the show(s) were canceled. and most of the time people weren't understanding at all they would say things like "are you kidding me? this is the fifth thing that's not working today! i want a refund this is ridiculous!" and i'll be thinking "good luck with that." since our park doesnt give any refunds. and when its not raining we have to close the bullpen (code for gathering area) which is made out of wooden and steel barricades five minutes after show starts. one of us has to be out there telling people to come to the next show. the following dialouge is a mix of things that have been said to either myself or another coworker in a number of events

"why cant we come in?, i was just right there getting some food and now your gonna close the gate on me?"

then i say "its a rule in all of our theaters."

"are you kidding me?! oh my god this is ridiculous! how long has it been anyways five minutes?"

"ten"

"and you still can't let us in?"

"no, im sorry."

"why can't you let us in?"

"its distracting to the guests and the actors on stage"

*cue the park photographers*

"can i get in?"

"yeah"

"oh wait a minute. they can get in by we can't? aren't they gonna distract the audience and actors on stage?"

"they are gonna be set off to the side"

"im going to customer service to report this, this is ridiculous!"

"okay then"

that was a little piece of what me and my coworkers went through last year. one of my coworkers had a guy ask her to watch his child for him while he had to go to the bathroom or something like that.

work is stupid, but the people i work with (well most people) are pretty cool. its just the job. if i end up working there next year it will be because i couldnt find a job anywhere else. this job is a love hate relationship. but i learned a crap load of stuff and i will be set if i get an interview for a job anywhere else. i developed my people skills through this job and im much more talkative then i used to be. truth is that towards the end of the season i am at my wits end with people and so are my coworkers.

so after my season is done i'll blog about what kinda things that went down this season, i'll tell you one thing: five people from our unit got fired.

yay my first official blog!!!!

2008-07-30T12:53:00.000-05:00

YAY!!!!!! i finally got my own blog! being 19 i should have my own everything by now. ive been blogging on my myspace for awhile and now i think i should graduate from that template. myspace is wonderful, believe me it is, i got to talk to people who i never thought i'd see EVER again, but the blog over there is soo limited hopefully i'll find some people on here that will actually look at my blogs and get some good feedback.

well i guess its time to talk a little about myself my name is supriya (sue-pre-ya) , im from this place called kenowhere, wisconsin. i've lived here for about six years now. im originally from flint, michigan (what up) where i spent most of my young life at. i have one and only one sibling, his name is vishal (va-shawl) he's 24 and he's majoring (or technically already kinda majored in) physical fitness. he's gonna become a physical therapy assistant or something like that. he and i are really close, we do fight, but what sibling doesnt? i also have a cousin, naveen (nah-veen) who came from india to witchita for higher studies (or learning however you wanna call it) about four and half years ago and now he's working in city hall in kansas city. he has a blog here on this site if you wanna check it out (coolestraj.blogspot.com).

and me? well as of right now, im currently working at six flags (which sucks btw) and i work a lot right now, not as much as i used to thank god. i'll rant about that place later. starting september im gonna be a full time sophomore at parkside. which reminds me i need to register for classes soon and i need to sell my books (i didnt even sell books from last year), yeah im that lazy. hey its summer after what ive been through this last year i have a right to be lazy. no i dont have a boyfriend, i am single. and here are my fav things:

color: violet

music: anything that doesnt suck (this includes, but not limited to Fall Out Boy, Jonas Brothers and Miley Cyrus, god i hate that girl), I do have my fav bands such as Linkin Park and Maroon 5, two of which i listen to a lot, but not limited to those bands or artists only. i do listen to hindi and bollywood type music afterall my parents are east indian.

movies: this is hard because there are alot of good movies (both bollywood and hollywood) i really like the gladiator, rendition, ect. comedies like old school, wedding crashers, american desi, hydrabad blues,, things like that.

i'll put up more favs in my about me section, and i will also write reviews on albums, movies, books (even though i dont read much), ect.

omg, i almost forgot to tell you about my BFF, her name is jessica aka noodles, and she is the bestest friend anyone could ever have. we've been through a lot together and we are like sisters from another mister. i have alyssa, who is like a friend, but only get to talk to her on myspace, last time i talked to her she said she's working alot but she might come back for school , so who knows.

so thats me in a nutshell. i'll blog more and more, and i'll put my poems up that i have on myspace on here as well.

ps: i forgot to tell you about how i came up with the name the circus freak. well one thing about me is that i am very flexible, i could seriously do almost any yoga position in the book and i am also double jointed. so naveen calls me "the circus" and noodles just added freak. because i am weird like that.